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Hey Rusty,

I agree with you about how sometimes people in AA meetings forget to give the newer people in the program more positive feedback instead of just saying to 'get to meetings' or 'work the steps'. I think they mean well and are trying to help, so just keep that part in mind. The one good thing about the AA meetings is that no matter how good the people get along there, or how poor they get along there in person, virtually all of them are very serious about one thing----keeping their sobriety. That part is the common theme and most there do take it very seriously and will try to help another the best way they know how. Sometimes they go overboard I guess, but all I can say is to try to overlook it for the time if you can...They mean well.

Alan told me that he wanted to call him everyday for 10 days, I have been doing it lately. On my birthday 2 days ago I called him and he didnt answer or call me back. I spent the whole day alone. I went to a meeting (I was still alone surround by people). Everyone was older then me and I couldnt relate to the chairpersons story. I left before I had to hold hands and pray. I hate that part. Then I went to the library and got a book called "how to quit drinking without aa", and then got a haircut that I dont like. happy birthday to me. I did stay sober though.

The last sentence I am very happy to hear about! It is also all that matters at the end of the day..... You had a great day (as I did) because we kept sobriety. It is always a good day for one of us if we go 24 hours ----one day at a time--- and keep alcohol-free and sober. It really does get much easier over time (you just have to trust us for the time being on that one). It does become second nature as that programming in our brain gets back on track. It takes a bit of time for the circuitry to get back to normal, but once it does, then the normal reaction won't be to even want to drink. I know I am well past that initial stage where I felt urges to drink. I don't really have any big urges at all ----or even tiny urges most days. But, I do know the early sobriety is not fun... No easy way out of that though except for time and trying to do little things to help sobriety.

As far as the books on how to quit drinking without AA----I can't comment a lot on those, but one time I did look up the 'rational recovery' program. It did not sound good to me. There are no face to face meetings and in rational recovery, they don't even consider alcoholism a disease. I just disagreed totally with their approach, but that was just me. I know what worked for me too and is why I personally say AA does work...

With your sponsor not calling you back that day----that really was his error of course. If he wanted you to call him everyday, it would have been good to let you know if he was going to be gone some days and then give you an alternate number or person to contact. But, try not to hold any resentment against him for it----if we hold onto those, then we try to 'rationalize' our way into going back to the old miserable ways of doing things.

Even getting a bad haircut---I know what you mean. It seems like not a bunch fits together like it should. Before I got much sobriety, that was the case too with me. It gets better...

Lets face it, I drink because I like being drunk

You and me both. I didn't even like the taste really. It was for the effect only and one of the ways I knew that I was just like those AA people before they found sobriety. Plus, their stories were way too similiar to mine...

I still feel like drinking everyday but am resisting the urge. I know all the reasons for not drinking but it is really starting to get to me. I wonder how long I can go on like this. I just want to get wasted so I can stop thinking about everything. I know it wont stop the depression but a break would be nice. Here I am at 27 unemployed, living at home, no girlfriend. Did alcohol and pot get me here? Or was it just me? I know drinking and using didnt help me with my problems, but at times it seemed to help me in my mind. The problem was when it stopped helping and I couldnt get enough no matter how much I drank. Cold turkey is getting stale.

This is part of the normal early sobriety. The problems with unemployment, living at home, or no girlfriend are all very workable problems. But, they will never improve if you would start into active alcoholism again. In fact, it would get even worse. Much worse.
The only thing really to make a successful day is to refrain from the alcohol. The rest of the issues work themselves out (Again, you may not believe me here, but it is true. I remember towards the beginning of my AA meetings complaining to my sponsor on just how much I had lost. He wasn't too impressed and said that those things work themselves out if we keep our sobriety. He was right too. I just didn't believe him at the time.

The future is bright for you Rusty and you can persue your dreams---the sky will be the limit. I personally spent two entire years unemployed and unemployable before I got sober through AA. Now, I am working on my masters degree and one day soon will be back in my chosen field. I have had successes already in my 2-3 years of sobriety already employment-wise in Human Resources too. I took on a job and did awesome----I guess I underestimated myself before I got sober. I certainly had a lot of unknown potential and you have the same potential as anyone else does~ I am still growing in positve ways too, so there is no telling where it will lead to. It's all good though and all because I did the program as outlined.

As far as sleep goes----it is sometimes hard for new ones in AA. My first sponsor had a good suggestion which was to read any kind of recovery literature. I got in the habit of that and I still do it a lot of nights before I go to sleep. I don't require it to sleep, but it is a good habit to be in. I don't know if I mentioned it before, but any books that you see published by Hazelton are good ones. Plus of course the book of Alcoholics Anynomous (big book) which I still read regularly.----mostly as a reminder of who I am.

just want to be happy and I dont really see it happening

It will happen my friend if you give it the chance. It does take a little time and patience. I wish there was more I could say to reassure you because I had similiar thoughts when I was new. My concerns proved unfounded because I did work on the program and everything including my happiness improved just as those old-timers said it would.

Said that the steps 2 and 3 were like a big mind fuck to me.

Everyone has steps that are more easy than others. If you are having trouble on steps 2 and 3, let someone know. You will hear someone who can relate and then they can tell you what worked for them.
I don't either have a strong God belief, but I was able to work through Steps 2 and 3.
One big part is just realizing the fact that there is something more powerful than yourself. You can name it if you want to, but don't have to. Some people use the collective AA group as a higher power. After all, the group as a whole does keep their sobriety and that counts as a higher power.

Anyhow, I hope that helps some....
One day at a time is the way to go. Plus, the serenity prayer if you look at the words, are spot on target. I don't pray to any specific god, but the serenity prayer and what it says is correct.