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It's in the morning, I'm in the Math Lab writ ting a letter I can hopefully get to Naomi, who I havent seen or heard of in over a week....

"Yesterday I fell asleep out in the grass between classes. I was awaken about half an hour later to the sound of little kids running everyhwere. There was one group right next to me that was trying to stomp on the bees flying around in the dandy lions, any time they would miss, the bee would go crazy and spin circles around the munchkins, ofcourse they would all scream and run around in circles themselfs. Here I was surrouned by what must of been about 300 six year olds just running around me everywhere having a good time. It felt so relaxing because i could just close my eyes and pretend I was back in 1st grade. Back in my younger years, the biggest of my worries was if I could finish all my Peas at the dinner table, now I have so many problems I constantly dread over, it makes me wish sometimes I was back in elementry.
_I remember when all the girls had Koodies, and my friend Alan was every girls prime target. It seemed like all the girls had a crush on Alan. Some of my other friends and myself formed up Alans own Bodyguards, during recess we would from a protective circle around him, blocking any girl who dared to try and Kiss Alan.
_In 4th grade my mom moved my borther and I out to a country school, TALK ABOUT CULTURE SHOCK!!!! I went from being the boy no girl really cared about, to one of only 5 guys in my class O.o I HAD GIRLS ALL OVER ME!!!! I really had no idea what to do, I still thought girls had Koodies, so I did my best to stay away from them, ofcourse that didn't last too long.
_Just thinking about all these memories makes me feel so old, it seems like it's so distant in my past, but I remember it like it was yesterday. I've always been captivated about your stories gowing up in Mexico, they reminded me so much of my younger years. The way you talked about running forever on the beach, the warm summer nights, climbing up a tree to watch the sun set, makes me want to take a visit down there so bad, it really sounds like an amazing place.
_Sorry I kind of went off on a tangetnt there, I tend talk about silly things forever sometimes. I could write forever about stuff to you, every night for the past week I would think about something really intresting to talk about, and I would get all excited because I kept thinking I could talk to you about it on the phone, but then I'd realize I couldn't do that, the excitment would slowly drain away. I really shouldn't be talking about myself so much, it is you that I'm worried about Naomi.
_I know you're going through a really tought time, and I want to help you out as much as I can. Now if you don't want me to help you, then I really think you should step back and ask yourself a question. When you ask yourself this, don't think about me, dont' think about your family, don't think about anything else: just really reach down deep and ask Naomi "what do I need?" Don't let anyone else answer this question for you, because it is yours to answers alone.
_Im your friend Naomi, there is no smoke or mirrors im using to cover anything up....."

__I get this far in writting the letter, and I hear a familiar voice say my name, I look up, with total shock on my face I say hi to Naomi.
She motioned for me to come out in the hall to talk to her, I get up an stager on over the door trying to collect myself.

"So you wanted to talk?".... I pause for a second "well ya.... but, but you've kind of cought me off guard"..at this point nothing is running through my head, it was just a huge mess!!! I couldn't really think of what exactly I should say.

"I've been worried about you Naomi, so has everyone else, they ask me where you're at, and I've had no idea, I haven't seen you in over a week." ..........she replied as if she couldn't believe what I just said "What?" .... "Naomi I'm your friend".. she cut me off before i could finish what I was going to say... "No you're not my friend!!!!".... "You got me in such a mess!!!!" .... I freeze, i dont know what to say, my through started to choke up..... I tried to form something out of my mouth, but I was at a loss for words... "Don't follow me!!!" she turns away stomping down the hallway.. "Go tell your friends that!!!" she turned the corner and was gone.

I've never had anyone outside my dad seem to be soo upset with me, and like when I was little and my dad would yell at me and seend me to my bedroom, I'd go cry because I didn't know what happend, what did I do wrong??? it made no sense? Atleast with my dad I could be angry at him because of his inability to put himself in my situation, but this time I can't be angry, I just can't get angry at Naomi no matter how hard I think about it.

Just the thought she hates me makes me feel horrible, I've always tried to be so nice to everyone, I never want to hurt someone's feelings, so when you get the slap on the wrist it doesn't make anything better

I got the impression she found out about this site somehow, or someon told her about it, or maybe an elder got ahold of it before her, I may never know what has happend, but I hope she eventually stops trying to avoid everyone all because of me. If she would have just told me not to talk to her, dont call her up, I would have listend to her, because she's my friend and I would respect her wishes no matter how skrewed up i may thinnk they are. Now I only feel like blaming myself no matter how hard I tell myself it's not my fault. The only people that should be mad at me are Rusty and Jody, because the whole time they have been telling me, "RUN" "FORGET ABOUT HER" "DONT GO TO THE MEMORIAL" "DONT GO TO THE ASSEMBLY" and what do I do, I dont listen to them, and they dont get mad at me, they just sigh* lol, but Naomi wanted me to go the the Assembly, she called me up on the phone about 3 weeks ago even after we had a talk and agreed we shouldn't talk anymore, I've never pushe her into anything, it always seems like she was the one making the defining decisions. I realize why everything is the way it is, I totally understand it, but it still hurts no matter how much I tell myself why this happend.

Well Im going to write another letter, AND I WAS ALMOST FINISHED WITH THE OTHER ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! lol the irony in life

Thanks for everyone being there, thanks for always being there to talk to Emma ...... I'll just see what tomorrow brings....

Ben