Mmm - when you've been raised to fear questioning - cos it reeks of 'lack of faith', it certainly stays with you

Also, trying to 'fit in' the world, without being part of it, is so difficult!! I think that is why I always tried to be a 'people pleaser' - tried to pour oil on troubled waters - I couldn't bear confrontation (still can't really)

I felt that I had enough conflict in my life, trying to appear 'normal' to my peers, even though how I was trying to live was anything but normal

Then I spent a big part of my life defending a religion that I was no longer a part of - so no questioning there then - just following the brainwashing!!

Now, my hubby tells me that I have changed for the better - that I am a more positive person, yet, if I am honest, although I feel so much freer for knowing the real truth about my previous mindset............inside I still feel 'stunted'

I hear my neices and nephews talking excitedly about their goals and aspirations - and it is like they are talking a foreign language - cos when I try to identify with their outlook - I look back and there were no goals or aspirations - there was no future - and I was insignificant

I don't mean to sound unhappy - cos I'm not - but my 'former life' seems to have no correlation with who I am - it seems to have no continuity that gives us a sense of 'wholeness' and identity

Maybe if I had extricated my mind when I was younger, I would have been able to uncover a whole new personna - someone who was forthright enough to state their views and not give a damn , someone who knew exactly what they wanted from life, and would accept nothing less - who knows?!