I feel you.

Maybe it's best to just forget religion or spirituality for a while. Let God find you if that's what it's gonna be?

I don't know. I was reading something about that scripture in Romans the other day that talked about how we would no longer have prophets (the partial) now that we had the perfection (the completed scriptures). There are a myriad interpretations for every scripture. Trying to sort through the bull leads to madness.

My whole religion is this: do every duty, and expect no reward for it, either here or hereafter.
-- Bertrand Russell