First off let me say thank you to everyone who has responded to this. I really appreciate the kind and thoughtful responses that I've gotten from everyone. I have read every post and you all have great insights and suggestions.

Part of me (an extremely small part that I will eventually smother out of existence) stills misses a few things. Mostly the sense of belonging, a divine purpose to guide my life, and I miss having that feeling that I was part of something that was inherently good and special. Turns out I was part of something special alright but special hardly seems an adequate word for the huge deception. Then I get mad at myself for missing certain things because those things were based on lies. Does that make sense?

I want my children to have a sense of belonging but I don't ever want them to give up their right to free thinking. I never want my children to live in fear of a Nazi like judicial committee or fear being publicly reproved because they made a bad judgement because they are an immature teenager .....you know like NORMAL teenagers behave. One thing that is for certain, I don't miss the constant sense of guilt and worthlessness. It took me years to understand that it does not make me a bad person to say no to someone or to decide that I don't HAVE to turn the other cheek. I have been to counseling and it did help. I have forgiven my parents for dragging me into the organization. They honestly believed it was the truth and that they were doing the best thing for their children. I have come to terms with the fact that being a JW shaped my life and personality in ways that were antisocial and counterproductive to being a normal functioning person in the real world. LOL not that I ever did a very good job at being submissive ...anyway I think my anger is mostly focused on religion. I am not sure I'll ever be able to come to terms with my distrust and dislike of organized religion. I guess only time will tell but in the meantime I've already learned alot reading other posts and blogs. This is a great site that I plan on sharing with the rest of my family. image

On a side note, I am amazed that so many witnesses are so superior and judgemental when I spent 20 plus years feeling worthless and lowly. I usually have a field day with the superior and condescending JW's who show up my door now image