Dravis wrote:
I feel where you're coming from... Tommorow is the first day of my cong's DC as well, and it's also the first DC I've ever missed, though I've missed two smaller conventions to date (Last years special assembly day, and the Circuit Assembly this year). This is also the first time it'll be painfully obvious to the entire area that I'm not a JW anymore...At the smaller conventions, I wasn't really highly visible anyway...I always show up late, and the past few years I just slept in my car for most the lunch break... It's kinda hard not to run into almost everyone at the DC at least once over the three days...I used to even have people ask me AT the convention if I was even there the other days because they didn't see me lol...

To be honest, I had a harder time earlier in the year when the hotel list came out, and I had to make the decision whether or not to take down numbers and make a reservation... I had only been out for a few months, and my BS overseer/boss brought in the list and asked me if I needed to take down the info... Kind of an on the spot kinda "ohhhh what do I do now?? I don't want to go, but I've gone every year........"

I know what you mean about the paradise comments, though... I got ALOT of those when my grandpa and great uncle passed away, and being more or less agnostic myself, it's hard to think of anything to say to that when you accept not knowing what comes after death and they go off about seeing loved ones and living forever... You know it's all bullshit, but it's also so appealing to have that belief in seeing them again. That's why religion is so succesful... People want hope so badly, and as the WT puts it, "time indefinate is in the hearts of men." (Or something like that)... We have an ingrained desire for longer life, and yada yada.

So having dealt with a death in your family, I've heard others describe it as almost grieving twice for them. Even JWs go through that first grieving period, but for ones like ourselves, when we lose that "hope" of paradise, suddenly it sinks in that we may never see our loved ones again.

And, this may be different for other people, but I think there may also be a sort of grieving period for the beliefs themselves, if that makes any sense... Not only is there the guilt of not doing what you've been raised to believe you should be doing those 3 days, or meeting nights, or saturday morning, or whatever, but the guilt of somehow "killing" those beliefs... We were raised to believe that any kind of disbelief in the teachings, or acting contrary to what we were told we should be doing, was absolutely wrong, and by acting against them and not believing in them, that hold those beliefs have on you is killed off... And the comfort of always knowing what's right and wrong, and always knowing where you'll be for those 6 convention days out of the year, and every sunday and tuesday/thursday, etc.... It all goes away....

I have no idea if that last part made sense lol... It's been a long day image

Whatever... I totally agree, that writing is soothing, and feel free to ramble your thoughts any time...You're a good writer image


I agree with all your observations and must add that killing off crazy delusions is not a bad thing; sure i may not have some happy cloud or afterlife to go to when I kick it, but I'm also free to explore the world of knowledge out there and form my own opinions, based upon intelligent inquiry versus rote mind control and false beliefs. You too; it's a wild wide world out here just waiting to be explored and enjoyed.

Ciao for now.image