Hi Anakin,

I agree with irishshane, don't be afraid to see out help. I've seen a psychiatrist only once in my life and although my dad probably would have said "don't ever see a head-shrink", I found it very helpful. At the moment the mental stress can seem overwhelming and be very frustrating with very few options seemingly available. Yet as those who have survived suicide attempts will attest, the problem of the moment, was in fact resolvable by less lethal means.

You believe in God and are seeking out an understanding of his purpose in your life and his creation. I don't believe in God, in fact I'm an atheist. Yet, I have met many happy well adjusted ex-JWs who are atheists, who are Christians, who believe in God but not organized religion, who believe in an initial being who started it all but is no longer involved. In every case though, it has taken time to sort through issues and land on their feet.

Coming here and sharing your story is a start. I know I'm still working through issues. I loved Jehovah's Witnesses and still feel they really saved me from a life of alcohol and drug abuse. But over the years, the faith failed a "truth" test and it became more and more apparent the need of the organization to maintain the status quo would come at any cost, including some very hurtful things.

With kind regards,
Rawe