Hi Anakin, I am deeply concerned that you are having suicidal thoughts image. You have to forgive yourself first of all. I don't think anyone on this forum would knowingly allow themselves to be brainwashed. It's cruel and money is the root of ALL evil. How many millions of people are dedicated to the funding of this "organized" system that is ruining people's lives. Their heart is in it because they are made to "think" they are doing it for God. This didn't happen to you in a short period of time. It was gradual and it was meant to be. Likewise, it will take some time for you to heal. Study quietly to show yourself approved. There are alot of stories out there but there is only one truth. A living dog is better than a dead lion....as long as you have breath don't stop searching. Evilness is of satan and it's not surprising that people who maybe once believed in God have now given up hope because they were mislead or outright lied to for the sake of money (the hidden "truth"). Don't beat yourself up anymore. Things will get better.....just read some of the horror stories that many on the forum has had to overcome. You are never alone! image