I, too, am new to the board. There was one trigger person who was also my ex's cousin. This person was always the pillar and example, even when I was still attending meetings many years ago as a young teenager. Absolutely drove me crazy with the unsolicited "you should do" and "you should be" demoralizing comments, even during encounters long after I stopped attending the JWs meetings.

This person's experience changes and is, later, quite devasting. I watched this person weep, in despair and abandonment, as the congregation threatened to disfellowship. The reason? This person's mate committed adultry years ago and moved away. Still married but trying to get approval for a divorce, this cousin continued for years to be a pillar. That is until taking a job helping care for an older non-JW of the opposite sex.

There was no proof of anything improper, simply a JW working to pay bills to survive, doing daily chores by aiding an elderly person. This elderly person proved to be extremely intelligent and began helping the JW to better manage a personal budget and finally accumulate savings. A favor returned for all the aid given.

It could have been that the JWs felt like they might lose control of their "pillar", simply because a non-believer was significantly helping to improve this person's quality of life, so the threats and control tactics this "pillar" once used on others was now being turned against them with devastating force. I doubt this person ever saw it coming.

If you watch from the outside long enough you will see that the measures to keep members under control are always poised in place, to be executed without mercy or regard to how strong the person has proven in their faith.