Hi herdarkness, as somone who joined the witnesses...then left, i cant really relate to the horrors you have experienced. There are many here who have walked in your footsteps and can help you. All i know is that there is life after the Watchtower and it is to be lived and enjoyed. Life does sound tough for you at present and i do hope things improve. Despite your lack of schooling you express yourself very well, so you do have talent.