Hello herdarkness!! You write really well and it seems you have overcome a great deal of adversity. Be proud of yourself for that! Those adversities will only make you stronger. It's good that you are posting here because it will help you to be a little bit more social. In time you will develop more self-confidence. People are usually more drawn to people who have a healthy self-confidence. That could be what is hindering you from making friends. Don't dwell on the negative things that you had to overcome but rather that you were strong enough to do it. At one point I had really low self-esteem. I made a practice of looking up at the shapes of the clouds, bird, high trees.....just to help me be able to "chin-up." It helped me to gain a confident posture and before long, I started making more friends. Visit joke websites or look up funny things....laughter is the best medicine!