I understand completely how you feel Michele.

I have lost both of my parents and 4 out of 5 of my sisters, 2 nephews (and two of their children that I have never seen). I helped raise my 2 nephews. To not be a part of their lives any more devastated me for many years. To be made to feel unwanted and unworthy...well you know what I mean. But that bleeding hole that they left was filled. I was able to fill it with the love and affection of other relatives and friends.

I found an Uncle (my mothers brother...I didn't met him until I was in my 20s) that took the place of a grandfather for my children (unfortunately he died this last April from cancer and it has completely and utterly broken my heart..more than telling all my family goodbye), cousins and aunts and other uncles to take the place of parents, sisters, and nephews. I got lucky to be able to fill that hole. My family is VERY large and my parents, etc. are the only JWs in our family and of course I have my sister... #3 of 5. image

My family makes a point of completely ignoring me at all our family functions (to the anger of my grandmother, etc.).....so I still have to see them about 3 or 4 times a year. They make a point of speaking with my husband (a devote atheist) and my DFd sister, but not to me.....I don't know why......LOL....Maybe because they view me as an apostate?????

Anyway, my point being in time the pain does diminish. It is important to go through the 5 stages of grieving. Once you go through those it gets a lot easier to deal with the past and the pain that went with it.

"This path has put steel in our back, fire in our veins, and iron in our heart. WE WILL NOT BE TRODDEN ON. WE WILL NOT BE IGNORED. WE WILL NOT GO AWAY QUIETLY IN THE NIGHT. WE WILL FIGHT."