Tracie.....thanks to you also for answering. Yes...l feel very much like you. It's weird cause as I look back on my life I realize I was always on my way out. I did the whole Jill Witness thing to the best of my ability....pioneering and the whole nine yards. I prayed and did everything by the book. I NEVER felt free...I NEVER felt "God's spirit" and most of all I NEVER felt happy. To this day I feel like a round peg in a square hole. I don't and never will fit in with the witnesses but I don't fit in with the world either. So basically I feel like a displaced person and I'm strung in mid air and just can't get a firm handle. I have a number of very close friends that are ex witnesses as well and they are doing much better than I am. I think that may be because they were'nt raised this way and only spent 20 yrs as adults in it. Nothing was beaten into them. Do you feel like the edge is taken off of anything you could feel happy about? I do. I feel like anything that makes me happy is so briefly enjoyed until the thoughts of God make their way into my mind....then it's like chipping a beautiful tooth! Geez..I'm a mess. LOL. I'm in Pa. Where are you?