Karon and Tracie, Welcome to both of you! For what it's worth, I think you are dealing with a double "whamie" in that you not only were raised in a cult, but you experienced some horrible treatment and witnessed the worst kind of crime... that against children. It seems that the congregation is a good place to "hide out" if you are a child abuser, and if you want to beat and terrorize children in the name of discipline. Were it not for the climate that the congregation provides for such people, there might be much less of it going on.

As for looking over your shoulder and still not feeling free of the emotions that come to the surface, it takes time and effort. It's a journey and you have started to travel the road to freedom. Education is a big part of the journey, CoC is a great book to help us break down the illusion we were all under at one time. There are others as well. Personally, reading some of the scientific evidence for evolution has helped a great deal. Most mainstream Christian religions have been forced to accept evolution yet are still able to reconcile the enormous body of evidence of evolution with their faith in God. The two are not mutually exclusive... but it may require that we re-think our notion of faith. Witnesses really don't separate knowledge and faith... they believe they are one and the same. That man was created 6,000 years ago, that the flood of Noah was global and that all the animals were saved on his boat, that the Bible is complete without significant errors of history and that it has been "preserved" intact--these are fantasies. People who believe these things simply haven't done their homework.

I think you can still believe in God while accepting the truth about our origins... and I don't fault anyone for doing so, as long as they understand the difference between faith and knowledge. No doubt there is wisdom in the Bible... I still enjoy reading some parts of it... but I realize that it cannot be taken literally.

Education about these things will give you the confidence to quell your feelings and "un-learn" the conditioning you experienced growing up. Having a support system such as forums like this and knowing there are hundreds of thousands of people who are dealing with baggage left over from this religion are of great help. You are not alone. Keep posting as you feel you can, keep reading, keep discussing these things with your husband... he sounds like a wise man and a great personal ally.

Yammer.

"There is no shame in not knowing; the shame lies in not finding out." ~ Russian Proverb