toad, I'm so sorry to hear you are going through this with your daughter. Compounded with the problems your going through with your son, I can imagine how painful it must be for you and your wife to cope.

If it's any consolation, I can tell you that as a teenager, I too went through a rebellious stage. I'm sure many of us adults can recall memories of times when we went through similar situations as teens. I remember when I was 15 I dressed in all black for about 6 months straight. No, not because I was depressed, actually, it was because I was in love. I sobbed and moped around the house for months. I distinctly remember being very aware of the way I was behaving and doing it all on purpose in an effort to gain the attention of my parents who wouldn't let me date this boy I liked. I suppose I was seeking some sort of understanding and sympathy from them. I remember thinking they just didn't understand how in love I was and how cruel and mean they were. Now, of course I laugh about it. But at the time, it seemed VERY real to me.

In my opinion, most teens make almost every issue in their lives 10 times more dramatic than they need to be. I think it has alot to do with the hormonal changes they are going through as they grow up, but also it has to do with the fact that they want to act like adults but they simply do not have the mental or emotional capacity yet to be able to make sound decisions in their lives. That in addition to the fact that every teen has peer pressure to deal with. They all want to fit in with their friends and be "cool" or popular. Just the simple fact that your daughter said that she was upset that her brother got to do whatever he wanted and she couldn't should show you how she perseives the situation at home. It's not rational thought.....it's teenager thought. There's a huge difference. Perhaps next time things get heated up at home with her, try to remain calm and see things through her eyes. Realizing that to her at her age everything is dramatic and important. Perhaps try and find some small points you could agree with her on. Maybe come to a compromise that allows her some of what she is seeking, but not all of it. Meet her in the middle but maintain your footing as a parent. Does that make sense? Maybe this will provide the first steps you and your wife need to open up a sort of close friendship with your daughter. Give her a place she can feel safe to come to and vent about all her teen troubles and know that you won't get upset and angry with her, but that you will provide her guidance (and discipline if necessary of course) . My son is 12. He's dealing with alot at school and I could sense it. So I set aside a time, every Friday after school we come home and have a snack together and he can sit and tell me everything that's happened at school without feeling shy about it. Some of what he's told me makes me want to crawl under the table and die......but I stay strong for him and take a deep breath and give him the advice and guidance he needs. As long as he's safe, healthy and happy, I'm ok with it.

As for you toad, I completely agree with what Brandi has said. You and your wife absolutely must take time out for yourselves. Not forgetting your children of course, but at least some time to cope with and heal from the parenting process. Parenthood can suck big time sometimes. I know that. Trust me. But, this time will soon pass. They grow up so fast and before you know it , it's outta your hands and they are on their own. Take a deep breath, have a glass of wine, and relax. I'm so sorry your support group was not there for you. Perhaps there is an online help forum you can subscribe to that you can seek help from, I don't know. But if all else fails, we are here for you and your wife. Come here and vent any ol' time. Hang in there.