Jez that is such sad news about the latest social services debacle. Over here in Australia the equivalent department offers a lot of hands-on support ... although there are now so many children involved in foster care and other short term care arrangements that the DOCS (Department of Community Services) and other government agencies are crumbling under the pressure.

It's not easy to know what is best to do for our kids when they start playing up ... and it doesn't seem to make a different whether they're our own biological children or not. With outside influences and too many offers of financial and other help from well-meaning government agencies ... I can certainly see why you and your lovely wife feel as though you're banging your heads against the proverbial brick wall. I'd be much the same!

Sadly ... the kids of today are educated in more than one way on how to get whatever they can from whomever they can. Some of the child welfare policies set up in various countries to protect and ensure children at risk were being cared for financially and otherwise ... are now used against loving, caring parents or carers ... by kids who know how to push the right buttons at the right time.

From what you've added today ... it really does seem to me that you and your wife have bent over backwards to help your kids and you've not let the fact they're not biologically linked to either of alter that love. It's just a shame that they cannot see for themselves the sacrifices and compromises you've made along the way. Although I know you both want to do what's right for the kids ... there comes a time when even we can only go so far and not be appreciated. You're at that cross roads now. For your own mental and physical well-being ... perhaps it's time to just let them both go and see where it takes them. Remind them both it's what THEY wanted ... not what you want ... but you love them enough to let them go. I'd not be in a rush to have them back when it suits them though. Kids can do that ... move out when they're happy and back when they're not. You don't need the yo-yo thing happening.

Fighting to keep them at home is making both your lives miserable plus you're being subjected to unnecessary abuse with the potential to escalate. If you're both feeling guilty for taking the kids on and not being able to straighten them out ... don't! You've offered them more than a lot of other kids would ever hope to get in their lives and I'm not just talking about material things either! Perhaps it's time to take a step back and give yourselves some much needed breathing space without interruption? Easier said than done I know but you have to think of yourselves as well. Stress can be a killer in more ways than one.

I'm not entirely sure how I'd react had it been me and Gav facing the same dilemma as you. My boys are only 8 and 11 right now ... but I dare say we'll have our fair share of dramas to come once their hormones kick in and all logical sense kicks out. I shudder at the thought.

Hang in there mate ... and give that lovely wife of yours a big hug from me!