It really sounds as though Social Services has messed everyone's life up. As an American I can't imagine one talking to a minor without her parents knowledge and consent--especially them telling her not to speak to her parents about the plans they'd discussed. If that was happening to me--and here--I'd be consulting an attorney to ascertain my legal options.

It's not at all surprising that she'd like to live with her biobro. Not only is he a link to her past, she's likely to see him as a free ticket to the glamous 'grown up' life young girls imagine adulthood to be. IMHO is is NOT good for her to move in with him. Firstly, he not only knows how to manipulate both you and the system (info he's no doubt been feeding her) but he's in a position where his own needy self-centeredness might put her at risk (as in unwisely allowing the guys whose friendship he craves to have more access to her than they should).

It's not surprising that your daughter's age can't just spit out what it is she wants and say 'good bye' to her dear parents. Young people in that situation will often behave in ways tailored to push every button that will make you WANT to throw her out. Yes, it's twisted thinking, but it's not uncommon.

As for your feelings...bravo! You earned the right to have them. All the display of your emotions proves is that you are a mench--a genuine and worthy man who's responses are appropriate to such a miserable situation. What decent man could see what your family is going through and not react? Like Dr. Laura says, "you can't fix normal".

Hugs, Cee Cee