We have a parent advisor, and she can't understand the decisions that are being made by social services. I've just talked to the social worker today. I don't know who to believe anymore. My daughter says she's been told this and that by the social worker, the social worker says different. The social worker says my daughter's said this, that and the other. The social worker denys things I know she told me and what the school says the social worker has said to them.

They're going to check out my ex-wife to see if she will have the children. I'm not going into a slagging match but I really feel she really isn't suitable. The kids have not had any contact with her for nine years. My daughter says she's not going there. She says it's not that she doesn't want to leave here, but that she wants to be with her brother, even though we have made it clear that she'll still be able to see him; they still go to the same school.

My daughter is convinced she'll move in with the foster carer where he brother is. The social worker is asking her tommorrow what she wants to do, and if she wants to go, that's what will happen.

We've been given a report. It says my daughter's under nourished, which is rubbish. There's no doctor's report stating this, my daughter's always moaning that she's over weight. When we questioned this today the social worker says she's been told we buy cheap bread and margarine. All she has to do is look in our kitchen. We have had such a lot of contact with social services over the years due to the kids' problems and all of them have had nothing but praise for us. They have all said there is nothing they can tell us.

The parental advisor who we have had a lot of dealings with says there is nothing she can teach us, she can't beleive the way we are being treated by social services now. Teachers; the only reason my son did not get expelled from school over the canabis was because the head said he knew he came from a good background and he knew we were good and supportive parents. Our freinds can't beleive it. They have seen us together and think we have a close realtionship with our kids. We have photographs of us on holiday, taken only this summer, of us all playing and laughing on the beach.

There's things she says our daughter has said. I just question, if my daughter would say these things about us what relationship have we got with her? We tried to explain about my son's behaviour whilst he was here. The social worker says we have no evidence. My daughter has stuck up for her brother. I know she was scared of him; I know how he acted here; I know the things he did; I know how agressive he was.

Just now I took her to the shop. We had the CD player on. We usually sing along to it. I just thought about how soon we wouldn't be doing it again and I was in tears. Just before we went into the shop I said, 'you do know how much I will miss you? You do know how much I love you? She said she did. She just acting so normal. like this is an everyday thing. I know that's better because she's cracking jokes and stuff, so it's better than her acting all morbid. But I question, does she really care about us; if she can treat it so casually and if she did say those things to the social worker?

This next part may seem cold; It may sound selfish; it's not meant to be, but it is fact. I know some people do not approve of benefits (welfare). Because the children had problems we did recieve an adoption allowance and there are other benefits you get when you have children over here in the UK. I was able to work part-time and my wife was able to stay home and look after the kids. I have been offered extra work and have turned it down, putting the kids before my career. We honestly have not been taking advantage of the system. My wife has always wanted to work, and has done lots of voluntary work, but the kids have been such hard work and we have put them first. They have taken up so much of our time. I know you are supposed to have time for your kids, but everyone has said we have never had time for ourselves. If fact it was always a source of worry for me that we were not financially independant.

Now that will go and it looks as if we will have to loose our house. I know that pales into insignificance when compared to loosing your children. We knew it would come, but we did not think it would come for another year. I was planning on upping my teaching  hours from next year and wife starting to get into work, like I say she has already been doing volountary work. It just seems we have been putting the kids first, sacrificing our careers and had it thrown in our faces. Now we will loose all we have fought to keep. And it has been a struggle. We have had some very hard times, and we came through it. Now this last year everything seems to have fallen apart. We have lost all our children. The outside influences have just been stronger than ours.

We have given so much, and now we seem to have lost it all. We don't even have the reward of seeing our kids doing well. And I'm tired of fighting this battle.