Thanks. It just really gets to me sometimes. I don't know how to describe it other than it's like hearing that a small child was violated in some horrible way and you get that sick feeling in the pit of your stomach because it's so disgusting to hear or even imagine. It's like that. That's how I'm feeling about the jw's right now. I don't let they themselves as individuals get to me, or even anything they say really... it's more about the religion as a whole that gets to me. It's just so utterly wrong that it's hard to stomach sometimes.

I do get joy and comfort knowing that relaying some of what I've been through these past 6 months to others on this board helps them. I know it helped me when I was coming to terms with it all. Just knowing that the phases I was going through weren't unique to me was comforting. Just knowing that everyone else also went through similar feelings while exiting.....that helped me tremendously. So I do find comfort in knowing that I too now can help some of these newly exiting ones to come to terms with their exiting issues. And that I don't mind doing at all. I love helping people. It's what I'm most known for. So that part also doesn't bother me at all.

But I came to a point a few days ago where I suddenly just couldn't find the words to respond to some of the posts regarding how hypcritical and morally wrong the jw's are. Yeah, they are wrong. They are socially and morally wrong. It's so bad, that for the first time, I'm struggling to find the words to describe just how wrong they really are. I'll go back to my initial analogy about a child that was violated. Just having to describe to someone "how" that child was violated would make me so sick that I don't know if I could even find the words to describe it. That's how it is for me with the jw's right now. Just talking about them makes me sick . I cannot even find the right words to describe how horrific THEY are. I don't know if this is yet another "phase" I'm weathering through, or if it's a set back of some sort, or even if this is just some sort of anger I'm working through. I don't know.

I've contemplated taking a break from the forum alot lately. Since leaving the jw's I have yet to make any friends. I've been living online basically....facebook, this forum, etc. etc. that I have yet to really get out there in the real world and mingle amoungst the worldly folk. Although I celebrated the holidays, and I watch R rated movies and swear....apart from those things, I still feel like I'm living this "jw" lifestyle. I don't feel any different. I think that has alot to do with the fact that I haven't made any worldly (normal) friends yet. Everyone I deal with or talk to are jw's.....that is, what little contact I do have with them. I feel like I need the contact I have on this forum. It's the only people I know that I can talk to about pretty much anything. If I had a physical friend nearby, most likely I wouldn't be here on this forum everyday. I'd actually HAVE a life, LOL! Which I don't at the moment.  Hmmm....maybe it 's my life in general I'm angry at. Who knows......geeze....what a frickin' mess.