I think you're right, and i may be heading - albeit slowly (guess it takes me a long time) in that direction. God, it's all so awful and unnecessary isn't it ? By the way, i also have a very bad case of OCD, which i haven't ever talked to anyone about, and now it's getting worse with all the stress of the situation, grieving for my mom, as welll as work-related stresses. Anyway, what i'm trying to say is i often have felt like i should just shun her, i even have thoughts about how easy it would be to disappear. . . sorry - it's gotten that bad. I am so lost with all of this..and she doesn't even realize how much i understand her, i've been there, just going through the motions (JW motions that is) just as she's doing right now. I doubt that she's truly happy. Once, when we got into an argument about it all, she said to me 'oh mom, you know it's the truth' and other platitudes, which then just get my anger going fullspeed ahead. She still knows how to push my buttons, and she's so programmed - but doesn' t even know it, but that's just it, i don't want to antagonize, i get very emotional about it all. Sometimes, i feel that it would be better for both of us if she shunned me completely, at least then i would have some measure of peace, sad, but at least some peace - but this... it's so cruel and it's really emotional blackmail which i despise.