I'm so sorry this religion is ripping your family apart.  I'm Dfd too and I have experienced the flip / flop shunning.  Honestly I think it is one of the most painful things that can happen as a result of being Dfd.  My husband's family is like your daughter in and out of our lives.  It is like being drawn in and pushed away.  In the end my husband and I decided to step back from his family.
 
The relationship became to painful to continue.  So we made the choice to protect ourselves.  Witnesses are good at turning this situation in an excuse to be judgmental and cruel.  They see Dfd people differently.  You are not just family you are a "Disfellowshipped family member"...this distinction makes it all the more important to look out for your feelings.  JWs are not bad people they are just brain-washed they believe what they are doing is morally correct and "tuff love" ... when in fact it is abuse.
 
People can only abuse us if we stick around to allow it.  I know you love your daughter but you need boundaries in place so you don't continue to get hurt.  Find a way to be in contact without opening yourself up to pain.  I send letters and email.  We don't visit because each visit leads to them saying hurtful things to my husband and I and "We don't deserve it" and neither do you.  Be Strong and don't let them mistreat you.  You are a good person deserving respect and unconditional love...remember that.
 
Take care,
Brandi