Hello there my fellow short sweetie!

I am 5 ft tall and am curvy too and anytime someone of our height gains even a few pounds - it shows!  On top of that, my mom hates ugly or overweight people so I feel this pressure every time I know I'm going to see her to drop at least 10 lbs. or I will hear the snide comments "I never realized how much you walk like your father - of course, you're so much heavier now."  WTF - what does how I walk have to do with being heavier?!  And that word "heavier."  Like I'm a giant freezer or something.  And why would you ever say that to your daughter?  

I recently posted a thread about all of you out there who still have to be somewhat "active."  I hung in there a long time after I knew I hated it and wanted out, but having experienced the freedom and PEACE of having been out now for 3 years or so, I can't hardly bear to think about how hard it is to do all that shit, feeling as you obviously do.  How could you not feel depressed?  And the anger!  God, the anger I remember feeling as I sat there through all that nonsense, trying (and mostly failing) to keep my face expressionless.  Every false statement and teaching stands out like a neon blinking sign and you leave those meetings wanting to just scream!  If you can't release all that stress, it will come out in other ways.  

How are things progressing for you with regards to making your way out, if you can say?  If you can't say, I totally get that, and I don't want to pry, but is your situation getting any easier?  

When I look back to pics of myself the last year I was in, I looked terrible!  It is clear to me that I was under a lot of stress.  The old "friends" would chalk that up to my having a guilty conscience for planning a life of lawlessness, but I know now it was all about not living an authentic life.  I looked puffy and mad!  I hope you can do whatever you can to feel better.  Don't self-destruct - we are waiting on "the other side" to see and get to know the real you!

Valerie