My happiness is finding this forum and all of you, and having people who "get" me without having to explain it (and then feel embarrassed about it). I am also happy about being able to say the word "apostate" and joke about being one, and not feeling a sense of dread or fear of being condemned to die. I can also freely express my feelings here, and no one is going to tell me to "get out in service more, make more meetings, and pray about it". Thanks for allowing me this happiness.