ThinkinGirl wrote:
Merchant of Malice wrote:
marcospolaca wrote:
Yeah, I'm not even 30 yet, have only been out of the org a few months, and it's still my biggest fear I'll be alone forever. Moving to a more urban area should help... just more opportunities that way.

It's like... you invest your whole life into a jw 'career', relationships, ect... then one day *poof* its gone. Everything you've done up until that point. It's like being an adult with the real world experience of a five year old.

Maybe when we leave they should send us a little box with all the careers, relationships, education, and experience we missed out on. Kinda like when you get out of prison they give you your stuff back. Or something. :P
Agreed! I could use something like this.

I too am finding it difficult to form lasting relationships with other people, all because the JW life is so insulated. You're expected to be buddy-buddy with people in your congregation simply because they're JWs.

And there are so many experiences I've missed out on. It still makes me angry and bitter, and I think it's one of the reasons why I find it hard to relate to "worldly" people. Has anyone found anything that's helped them in this regard?


I understand and completely relate to both of you, Marcos and Merchant.  At times I feel soooooooo incredibly loney and worry that I'll end up alone in a nursing home at the end of my life, with nobody from the local KH to come check on me.  That stage of my life is way in the future, but it just shows how anxious I get over it. 

JW life IS so insulated, and didn't give us skills to cope in the real world, or realize that you don't have "insta-friends" at work or wherever, and that being making true, real friends actually requires work and patience, not just walking into a KH with your cards in 'good standing.'  My problem is that I want friends, but I also get anxious about spending time with non-JWs and don't allow people to get too close to me.  I found it easy to be a JW because of having an instant "deeper level" on which to connect, and I tend to be (okay, I am) a deep thinker, and connect to intellectual people.  So having superficial relationships is something with which I struggle.  I am a bit of an introvert, but I enjoy socializing (in moderation) and have noticed that as I've gotten older, I've gotten way more outgoing than I used to be.

What helps me is realizing that we are all part of the human race.  Sometimes (a lot of times) I get all wrapped up and fearful of getting close to others (non-JWs or those who don't understand what the experience of having been a JW is like), but then I ask myself, what makes non-JWs so 'bad'?  Nothing!  I just have to give people an opportunity.  I have to let go of my fear and realize that we are all humans.  Yes, some are scarier, crazier, zanier, happier, sadder than others, but we are all human.  I have learned to find other ways with which to connect to people, and appreciate that everyone is entitled to his or her opinion, and friendships/relationships are not based soley on being completely "like-minded" and in agreement, which is how we were taught to think as JWs. To me, it's about learning to let go of judgement.   I admit, it's not easy and it's still a huge work in progress, but having this forum is a great help!  I agree with Marcos that moving to an urban area with plety of activites or things to do is a good way to meet others. 
     
You brought up some good points, and thanks for sharing your experience with socializing! I still have some layers to peel off, as it were. The one thing I need to keep in mind is what you said about likemindedness not being the sole basis of friendships. It's okay to be friends with people who have opposing viewpoints or different lifestyles. I'm learning to be less judgmental and more open-minded. For a while I was squicked out by the idea of polyamory, but now I've come to realize that that's what works best for some people, and I need to respect that.

I think the hardest thing is the fact that friendships take time to develop, and as ex-JWs we're often making up for lost time. I'm learning to not be so eager and let things unfold organically when I meet new people (something I still struggle with as I'm extremely introverted and shy.) Another thing I struggle with is taking personal interest in others - with the JWs, they're only interested in you because they want to convert you. I still don't know how to take a genuine interest in people. smiley: embarassed