Merchant of Malice wrote:
You brought up some good points, and thanks for sharing your experience with socializing! I still have some layers to peel off, as it were. The one thing I need to keep in mind is what you said about likemindedness not being the sole basis of friendships. It's okay to be friends with people who have opposing viewpoints or different lifestyles. I'm learning to be less judgmental and more open-minded. For a while I was squicked out by the idea of polyamory, but now I've come to realize that that's what works best for some people, and I need to respect that.    I think the hardest thing is the fact that friendships take time to develop, and as ex-JWs we're often making up for lost time. I'm learning to not be so eager and let things unfold organically when I meet new people (something I still struggle with as I'm extremely introverted and shy.) Another thing I struggle with is taking personal interest in others - with the JWs, they're only interested in you because they want to convert you. I still don't know how to take a genuine interest in people. smiley: embarassed
You're welcome, and I'm glad to share.  I understand where you're coming from.  As a child, I was extremely shy and introverted; to this day I distinctly recall crying my eyes out to my mom (I was like 14 years old) asking her, "When will I be like you and be able to talk to everybody?" (My mom really can talk to ANYbody).  I was horridly shy and incredibly introverted.  At times I still am, but I'm learning not to care what people think about me.  More than anything, that's what held me back--caring so much about what people thought of me.  But, I do understand that everyone is different and some are introverts, while others are extroverts.  

I do agree that as JWs we had those extra layers do deal with; judging others and being told we can only be friends with those who think and believe the same.  In being that way, we were being so judgmental, critical and unaccepting of others, even though we never saw ourselves that way!  But now we are beginning to see that we were that way, and as you said, are "making up for lost time." 

Funny you should mention the 'personal interest' thing...that was always my best defense mechanism.  When I couldn't find something to talk about with others or feeling particularly socially awkward, I'd ask someone tons of questions about him or herself.  Not only does it deflect attention from myself, but it gives the appearance that I'm outgoing and extroverted and a great conversationalist.  At the end, the person feels like s/he knows all about you, when all you did was talk about that person.  It's always worked great for me, and I still do this.  Except this time around I don't try to 'witness'.  smiley: wink
Good luck to you!!!!


Last Edited By: ThinkinGirl Sep 7 11 6:48 AM. Edited 1 times.