excaliber, i to have lived in the field of retardation. around my real life i have helped (guilted into) my mom take care of various peops. the last one is going on 19 years. ever heard of angelmans syndrome? there are 2 layman names for it. happy puppet syndrome. and the beginning link. the last one is telling. why? there is a missing chromosome in the fundamental dna. meaning every cell is retarded. what is missing can never be replaced. if an angelmans child were to ever have a child they would be the same. and 100 generations down the line same. de-evolution at its worst or finest but evolution none the less.

i do believe there is something out there. do i think they care about me as a living thing no. and i do believe there was a base creation. we learned about it in elementary science: energy. energy comes in 3 forms. solid liquid gas. every thing in existence is comprised of these things. energy doesnt die or disappear. it just changes shapes and form. therefore an argument can be made that this world is just and illusion of our own making. a prison we see because we need to see it. our illusion feeds us power, importance, pride. while we are powerless in many areas of life, "god" feeds that illusion to which we are really more than energy housed in a fleshly prison not of our own making. god makes us immortal. god makes us better than our circumstances. and in "god" we can see what our idealized version of a perfect life is. we can blame god when things dont go right. it is human nature to want power and prestige, it is also human nature to not stand up and say my bad i f***ed up. much easier to point the finger else where.

i love to cook. i take raw ingredients and create something beautiful out of them. no cans, no jars, no pre-seasoned meats. every so often i will create beautiful dishes and share them with others. some call it family gatherings i call it jw hell. me, i cook for 3 days, pack my stuff and go to my fiancee's. why? i know i created something awesome and dont need to sit back and watch everyone moan over a perfectly cooked moist ham and turkey, i dont need people who dont know a meat therm from a cheese therm trying to tell me that i should have cut an onion this way or that. and still not one of them have replaced the cheese thermometer they used to check the turkey with and boiled the glass off of it, sorry angry side point it wasn't a cheap wally world pos. and nothing better than fresh mozz in my stone salad. but point is i leave them to do what they will. i believe who or what created the energy to begin with went on to play with its mate and is having themselves a good old time while we are down here eating.