I doubt I'll ever get the "just forget it" solution to problems. The closest I can come to that is to examine the extent that I allow the opinions of others--especially those whose ideas I do not share--to effect my life.

Here's the deal.

1. You had a rotten family life.
2. In one way or another it's effected everyone of your siblings.
3. Each one of you has tried in their own way to cope with that shared backround.
4. Everyone's 'solution' has to do with some from religious belief. [Can you see that their variing forms of Christianity and your Athieism all proclaim the same old JW mantra "We've got the truth"?] 

The best suggestion I ever got about dealing with people/situations like this came from a 12-step group:

...Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change        
             [That would be anyone other than you.]
The courage to change the things I can 
              [That IS you.]
And the wisdom to know the difference. 
              [Like, what they think about you is none of   your business.]

The good news is that you CAN change yourself. So see there is a 'cure' for the dysfunction of your family. It's when you

             LIVE YOUR LIFE and LET THEM LIVE THEIRS!

Could that be what your wife has been saying.

Hugs, Cee Cee