Well I guess the idea of 'spying' around sounds pretty interesting. I will do so next time, and if you're interested about "fresh food at the proper time provided by the faithful slave", I can post my notes here.

And yes midori, the reason august is my dead-line is because I still live with my family.

    And about my dead-line&co, just some updates: a while ago I started writing some kind of diary in wich I explained my parents everything and that is not their fault because I chose to leave "the truth" and all this kind of sentimental stuff. But I first wrote it all in a simple notebook, and just after I started translated(just about 1/4 of it, by now) in a nice small notebook I personally hand-made for this. And saturday, while I was not home, my mom tided up my room and I guess she find it;and read it (I just guess, I do not know for sure. But somebody handle it, and not exactly gently, because it has a few broken pages. And my brother swears it wasn't him, and I believe him) . And since then, my parents act EXTREMELY weird. Like they are so loving and careful with me, and ask me if I feel fine and stuff like that five-to-five minutes, and my brother is like he pretty much doesn't exist for them anymore(and that's not normal, because he was the younger baby-boy).
    I just guess they have found and read my book, and now they try to ....I don't know, show me that I'm loved(have they thought I decided to leave because of the family?? I guess, I mean I'm sure they wouldn't think it could be anything wrong with the doctrinal part) and now they just suffocate me with their love.......smiley: indifferent
   Oh, and did I forgot to mention all the 'subtile' ideas like "it is important not how much you do for Jeh.but not to leave J.organisation" and like "anything that it is in your mind and stresses you, you can tell me;I want you to relie on me..." ?smiley: indifferent And now I was thinking about just giving up earlier and say the truth. Like the three big "?" I have:
                                                        1.why am I not aloud to have my own opinions, independent of anything? 
                                                        2.why am I responsible my entire life for a decision I made as a child(the baptism)?
                                                        3.what kind of religion tears families apart because of differences of opinion?

But I don't know if it is a smart move.......smiley: ohwell