Hi Jack 
           I to was one of the un dipped and for personal reasons left the KH mind you I did leave in whirl wind as is my want lol but depression is such an awful insidious debilitating illness religions who preach singular survival and apocalyptic destruction to young people are bound to instil fear and trepidation and that's atypical abuse and a tool used solely to force you too stay in the "land of the terminally bewildered" your struggle will   be so hard but you do have these folks here for support and may I offer my poor and humble support should you just need a friend or an old if not very wise ear 
                                                                                                              I am so sorry you feel so bad Jack
                                                                                                                                                                 Red xxx