Here's my take on it, as a parent who has been in your father's position- for what it's worth. Feel free to ignore any of this where necessary.
They read your diary- and realise the enormous strain you are under. They love you very much, and are very much afraid you'll crack under the strain. At the same time, it never occurs to them that the JWs could be wrong about everything, so- and this is key- they blame themselves*. After all, it couldn't be the religion, could it? (Actually, yes it could..They just don't understand that yet.) So of course they feel bad, and are deeply concerned for you.

You could do worse than to ask them to obtain professional help for you. Explain that you just can't bear to attend any more meetings due to depression (you needn't explain that it's the MEETINGS that make you depressed, but that is up to you). If they do arrange for you to have some counselling, use that time to decompress, & tell your counsellor all about it. That alone may be a big help. The counsellor may also be able to offer guidance re. getting yourself set up in new accommodation when you're ready.

Counselling may not be an option for your family; obviously, I don't know your family's financial situation. If it isn't, explain that you just can't go anymore, that it doesn't help & just makes you feel worse. Stick to your guns- you've already come a long way.

Wishing you all the best with this. Hang in there, & drop by here often. Reddit.com/r/exjw is good too.

*Standard JW brainwashing, of course. If anything's wrong, it's because YOU aren't doing it right. Their solution: yet more praying, field service meeting attendance, personal study... which of course makes the problem worse.

"Which to you, is more awe inspiring; that you were created for the sole purpose of worshiping a dictator in the sky who forbids the joys of life? Or that you and I are the product of billions of years of evolution through natural selection, with each molecule making up the human body having once been a part of a distant star through the process of stellar fusion, having erupted from a supernova to one day allow each of us to sit and ponder our own existence. We are the universe becoming self aware. You can keep your gods, i belong to something greater."- Levi Herbert
Last Edited By: tinybluedot Jun 21 12 2:37 AM. Edited 1 times.