Man was I pissed last night. I still am pissed. I wanted to go tell that guy off. I even rode back after I left. I went in and saw him there in his cowboy hat talking to two other people in cowboy hats and decided to just let it go.
I dont belong there and I wont be back. I cant believe I missed The Simpsons for this shit. Right now I have alot of resentment. That was the magic word for the night. so I didnt let it go inside. I really have no idea how to do that. I have so many thoughts on resentment, it was the perfect topic. Just whats the point of bringing it up to cowboy bob who isnt going to give a shit about what I have to say, and might kick me with his pointy toed boots? Screw him.
The calendar said 'passover'. Well I got passed over. (no offence to Jewish people)
Last night was 420. For the first time in years I didnt do ANYTHING. Nothing at all. What the hell is happening to me? In 3 days is chip day. Ill have 80 days and get my 60daychip. For some reason the piece of plastic is keeping me from screwing up. I want it that bad. Another couple of meetings like this though... and this isnt the first time either. This happens almost every meeting, unless the group is very small and then they have to call me on me. But whatever Im dealing with it. Its hard to go far enough to find a different meeting on a bike. Hopefully Ill get my DL back soon.
The thing that really get to me is hearing about how everyone in the room is supposedly the same and what good friends they all are. How these people are your real friends now. The more I hear that, the more out casted I feel. The more it pushes me away. It all seems very 'cultish' to me. Yeah in the AA rooms 'we' arent like the rest of the world, but for some reason I dont fit in there either... Seems all way too familiar.

Thanks everyone. I love you all too.

Mig- BUT I WANT TO BE MASTER NOW!!! ITS NOT FAIR!!!

Rusty

Boy, when you're dead, they really fix you up. I hope to hell when I do die somebody has sense enough to just dump me in the river or something. Anything except sticking me in a goddam cemetery. People coming and putting a bunch of flowers on your stomach on Sunday, and all that crap. Who wants flowers when you're dead? Nobody. ~J.D. Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye

Last Edited By: Leotheturtle Apr 21 08 1:26 PM. Edited 5 times.