Thanks Amanda.... yes---I am much much better for sure.

I didn't go around at the time even thinking much on it maybe, but I can tell I had the low confidence and all that I mentioned above...

I mostly blotted it out on a weekly/daily basis with the alcohol from about age 23 or so until I stopped almost 3 years ago. It sure was easier to just blot it out with having a few than doing what AA was asking. That too is the deal with most new people to AA.

But, at some point I did have to say that I was sick and tired of being so sick and tired.... I had had enough pain. Enough of being sick with things. Enough of the headaches. Enough of enough. Enough of the garbage that active drinking will give an alkie.

I have heard the stories of other people in AA and I guess I chose to 'get off the elevator' that was stuck in the 'going down' position sooner than some. That was my own personal 'bottom' however and now I am grateful to be enjoying things much better now...

Sorry to hear you had to go through some bad experiences. I just hope you don't have to return there again.

I definitely would try not to be too hard on yourself for the past. All of us have had plenty of mistakes in the past. We can't change that part....
Today though is always something new and something we can change for the better at any time.