Rusty, I really do understand. All too well actually.

All you have to concern yourself on at this stage is just not pouring the poison down your throat and also going to meetings.
I tell people that even if they do drink to get to a meeting.
I know that the meetings are a hassle and pain sometimes, but what you hear there will stick with you and there will be key points that you won't forget. That will come in very useful in time and is of enormous value.

I hadn't asked about the big book, but I do take it you have your own personal copy? If not, let me know and I will be glad to mail you one.
The first 164 pages of it are the most important. My personal favorite and one you might like at this point in time is Chapter 11--"A Vision for You".

I was thinking more on this last night and it seems that giving up the alcohol is hard in one way because in the beginning when we first started to drink, it worked so well. Really well for me. But then things started to level off. Then later on, things started to go downhill. Towards the end, things went downhill on a real steep slope.
When I first started with the drink, I could have a positive reaction about 9 out of 10 times.
Then very slowly those numbers dropped over a period of months/years.
Towards the end, I was lucky to get a positive reaction 1 or 2 out of 10 times. And the bad stuff magnified. I couldn't even physically tolerate it and it was work to even keep it in my stomach without vomiting it back up. The process is slow and subtle is why people keep trying to get back the 'old times' imo. Except the old times will NOT come back is the harsh truth. This is true in every case of someone with this progressive illness.

I did stop however and had a moment of clarity.
I basically came to my senses for a brief moment and said to myself literally: "I am done" It was over with. I could see that it was total insanity to keep on doing the same pattern with the same results. I was never going to have anything worthwhile out of life to continue on like that.

But, this is a program for people who want it. Noone can or should force it on another person. Our job is to carry the message. After that, it is up to the person.

There are also no shortcuts or easy ways out. It's all been tried over time.
Only way to build a building is one brick at a time. Only way to build the positive results and get out from all the mess is one day at a time and one brick at a time.
The good part is that if you don't focus too much on the time factor, you will look back and be amazed at how quickly that new building is coming into place.

I still remember when I had a week or so of sobriety listening to someone who had a year and 4 months. That was really amazing to me. I even told her that I was amazed. She just told me that she did the one day at a time thing and didn't concentrate on the future (or past) too much. Then before she knew it, she had all that time under her----not to mention that the craving had been removed by that time.

Anyhow, it is all doable if you want it and are ready for it.


Amanda---Still trying to think if I have anything to contribute. It really is difficult to explain to someone who hasn't been through it, but I might think of something still. Or another one of the people that's been through AA here might have something to contribute too.