A couple of months ago, through a go-between, I heard that my eldest daughter (31) a JW, was engaged.
This daughter has not had any contact with me, since I disassociated 8 years ago.
The other day , again by a go-between, I was told that the wedding is in June.
I was told that I, a son and another daughter, who are also disassociated, can attend as long as we are "discreet"
"Discreet" meaning we have to sit at the back, and I watch while some JW brother, she has asked, gives my daughter away.
Am I mad, angry ? I thought I was, but in the end I feel sad for them.
That they follow the dictates of men that destroy families. While in the act of creating another.
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JW daughter getting married
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 revniv |
JW daughter getting married |
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MVP (Most Valuable Poster)
Posts: 471 (04/05/09 12:26:36) |
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palmel1234 |
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Posts: 851 (04/05/09 14:43:17) Forum Moderator |
I was told that I, a son and another daughter, who are also disassociated, can attend as long as we are "discreet" 
I was told the same thing when my dad remarried, that I could attend the wedding ceremony, but I couldn't come to the reception. 
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NewTracy |
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MVP (Most Valuable Poster)
Posts: 737 (04/05/09 14:50:09) |
((((((Revniv)))))))
Ouch!!! Yeah saddened is not the word hon I think I would be feeling damn hurt! Although as an exJW understanding the whys and wherefores of course and yes understanding why based on the teachings. The bare bones of the matter is I would be really hurt. I attended my sisters wedding, a while ago. I was allowed in the hall and I was also asked to be discreet. Probably the hardest thing I have ever done re the JWs since I was df/ed. I was not allowed to the after party / reception although my children were. But I did ask she allow me to sit with my family within the main body of the hall which was allowed. I didn't speak to anyone though nor they me. I did cry during the service, just because my baby sister was to be married and she did look so very happy, but I also cried for me and my loss of connection. I was respectful of her wishes (because all I could put ahead of any hate/ anger was her happiness) and tried so damn hard to separate it from the fact that it was because of the teaching I couldn't be part of the ceremony like my brothers and sister were. She even had our sister in law as bridesmaid which shook me a fair amount, cos I really felt that should be me. Oh Revniv, this sure must hurt and I don't doubt in there is a whole mix of feelings you are really entitled to. Especially as a father, that would love to be giving his daughter away. Sorry I can't begin to think how to help, just wanted you to not be alone in this. Hugs again !
Tracy formerly known as bogit!
Last Edited By: NewTracy
04/05/09 15:02:16.
Edited 1 times.
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whytebyrd2 |
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Posts: 2542 (04/05/09 16:57:21) Forum Moderator
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(((Reniv))))
That really sucks. My 31 year old daughter is still in and I have thought about the fact that if she should ever get pregnant and have a child, I would have no part in that grandchild's life. And they wonder why we hate that religion so.
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AndriaSyxx |
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Supreme Member
Posts: 5642 (04/05/09 19:28:00) |
So sad for you Reniv ... although it is your daughter and future son-in-law who will be losing out in the end. It's a despicable religious lifestyle that
encourages family members to turn on one another. A waste of breath fighting them ... totally unnecessary and insulting to be told to be 'discreet' ...
but not at all surprising considering it's how the jw's operate.
If you decide to go along ... make sure you're suited up to perfection in the latest and most seriously trendy posh suit (hire one - it's cheaper). Wear a flower on the lapel as you're still the bride's father whether she acknowledges that or not ... and sit proudly with your kids as close to the front as you can get. Not all JW weddings comprise of all JW guests ... so you won't be alone up there. Smile a lot. Give your daughter a big hug and your new son-in-law a nice firm hand-shake and 'welcome to the family' ... and hold your head high. We'll all be with you 
"Listen to your heart above all other
voices."
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solitaire |
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Posts: 3625 (04/06/09 06:01:28) Co Administrator
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((Gordon))
Yes, you are sad for the fact that this damned religion has them so brainwashed that they lose all natural love, and break all ties that are never meant to be broken - especially all done in the name of a supposedly loving God :-( I am also sad for your situation, it is natural as a father that you would want to be in your rightful place, at your daughters side when she gets married!! However - the saddest part of all is that your daughter is being manipulated by dogma and manmade rules, to actually allow them to spoil what should be one of the happiest days of her life (although seeing as she is marrying a fellow JW - that is disputable!) 
Some time in the future, when maybe the WBTS have had one too many 'new lights' or when their lies have become so convoluted that they end up self-imploding (please!!) - and these poor deluded souls see the religion for what it is - or isn't - I feel so sorry for those like your daughter, who will have so many regrets in life, that it will probably be too late to rectify 
Do they think they are being 'loving' by allowing you to see your daughter wed, knowing that it is they who have caused this rift??? Why should a loving father whose only 'sin' is to be brave enough to face up to the truth about the JW's - and for that bravery to be alienated from his daughter, be expected or advised to be 'discreet'........to skulk about like a bad person?! I feel your sadness and pain Gordon, but the fact that your poor daughter is so browbeaten that she would allow her father to be in such a position, is the greatest sadness of all Sending you my love and understanding Sam xxx Sam |
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Danielle0754 |
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MVP (Most Valuable Poster)++
Posts: 1338 (04/06/09 10:01:39) |
Damn, sorry to hear that. That makes me so mad.
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MyBrainHurts |
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MVP (Most Valuable Poster)
Posts: 235 (04/06/09 10:12:49) |
Wow. That is cold.
I am sorry you have to go through that. |
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revniv |
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MVP (Most Valuable Poster)
Posts: 472 (04/08/09 02:02:56) |
Thanks to you all for you kind words.
Many have gone through the same thing. Whether they be parents, grandparents, brothers or sisters.
Give your daughter a big hug and your new son-in-law a nice firm hand-shake and 'welcome to the family' ... Sorry to say that I even wouldn't be allowed to do that. There must be no contact between us if I attend.
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LavendergalUK |
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Indispensible Poster
Posts: 1737 (04/08/09 12:25:06) |
AndriaSyxx wrote:Good idea that is Andria. Gordon I'm so sorry for you it almost brings a tear to my eye. How can they do this to people it's just awful ! 
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 dbat |
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MVP (Most Valuable Poster)
Posts: 375 (04/08/09 17:39:08) |
Hi Revniv. I dont think i can fully understand how hard this is for you.
Sorry to hear this mate. It makes me angry what that religion does to familys and friends. Hopefully time till will heal the wounds and your family will see the real truth behind this terrible organisation |
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AndriaSyxx |
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Supreme Member
Posts: 5686 (04/08/09 22:10:37) |
Dreadfully unfair of them to stop you from giving your own flesh and blood a hug! I know you don't want to upset your daughter Gordon and I'd feel much
the same if it was my kid too ... but don't let their petty unwritten rules stop you from being yourself. How disgusting that even on a happy occasion like
a wedding ... they are still lauding it over people they don't consider to be worthy of their bloody religion.
If you want to hug your daughter ... go for it honey!
"Listen to your heart above all other
voices."
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Kingsmeg |
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Supreme Member
Posts: 6687 (04/09/09 05:57:18) |
So sorry to hear this Gordon.
I'm with Andria though on this one: if you do go, give her a big hug regardless. What are they going to do, try to publicly shame you for hugging your daughter? Sounds like they're doing that regardless. Beyond the obvious hypocrisy, sometimes JWs need to be shown what it means to be human.
Jody
The good Christian should beware of mathematicians. The danger already exists
that mathematicians have made a covenant with the devil to darken the spirit and confine man in the bonds of Hell.
-- St. Augustine
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NewTracy |
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MVP (Most Valuable Poster)
Posts: 758 (04/09/09 06:29:37) |
Me too chiming in for the give her a hug idea. Do as you feel. you are not beholden nor bound by their rules n regs. If this is the one opportunity you get to
talk to her for a while then do so in style. Who can really stop you once you have done it? I wasn't allowed to speak to anyone officially at my sisters
wedding, but I sure did go up and give her a hug and tell her she looked beautiful. After all I was just being honest !
Sorry you are going through this.
Tracy formerly known as bogit!
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matitalica |
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MVP (Most Valuable Poster)++
Posts: 1879 (04/09/09 15:29:33) |
Being a dad myself I would be pissed, hurt, angry, confused and would be tempted to not go to my daughters wedding.
What would the possibility be of inviting her and her new borgite out for a dinner or something? Matt |
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freebird |
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MVP (Most Valuable Poster)
Posts: 381 (04/09/09 16:57:35) |
Thats the kind of stuff that made me realize after 45 yrs. that a God of love would not expect people to treat their families that way. Its downright evil. Im
so sorry for you and hope you can deal with this. We will all be thinking of you.
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aniron |
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Gold Level Member
Posts: 83 (04/10/09 12:58:29) |
Sorry Revniv,
As has been said its another example from them. They who go on about how they show "love" that its "Jehovahs loving organisation" etc. Yet fail to show it when needed. I've seen it so many times Its so full of hypocrisy. 
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solitaire |
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Posts: 3684 (04/10/09 13:46:11) Co Administrator
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Mmm - the only reason I am hesitant about the hugging bit is..........his daughter is obviously well indoctrinated, as we can tell from the fact that she is
willing to hurt her father so much because the borg tell her to............
my worry is that her reaction to a public display of affection from her father, may be so brainwashed, that she could react negatively, and cause him even further hurt
Wow this is such a hard one to fathom............I kinda liked Matts idea of taking them both out, but then would they agree to that??? Wow, I am so angry at this minute I could scream
Sam |
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AndriaSyxx |
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Supreme Member
Posts: 5734 (04/10/09 20:03:34) |
I can understand being hesitant about the hugging idea Sam.
"Listen to your heart above all other
voices."
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aniron |
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Gold Level Member
Posts: 84 (04/10/09 20:40:48) |
What would the possibility be of inviting her and her new borgite out for a dinner or something? That would definitely not be out, I think. Fellowship with a disfellowshipped or disassociated person, especially one who has spoken out against the WT , an "apostate" , can lead to a JW being DF'd themselves. On thinking about it as Sam says even the giving them a hug may also be seen as giving approval to an "apostate" Also the daughter will have to think about her relationship with her new JW relatives. If they are not happy about her father even attending the wedding, imagine what they may say if he did anything, like hug or meet them.
Last Edited By: aniron
04/10/09 20:44:26.
Edited 1 times.
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Ilovebirthdays |
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Gold Level Member
Posts: 19 (04/18/09 15:58:00) |
I'm sorry for that. I'm not DA'd or DF'd, but I still wasn't invited to my sister's wedding, which I expected, and was fine with, until
I ran into an old teacher of hers at the grocery store, and she asked me why I wasn't at the wedding, because she was there. That made me really angry.
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