I'll try to keep this short, just because the more I think about it the angrier I get! But maybe venting here will bring out someone who' been through
something similar. Any advice is appreciated!
SO...
I left the borg for good when I went away to school. After a couple of years, I became pregnant with my son and had to move home. I have to say my dad (an elder) at least allowed me to come home (he at least has enough common sense not to let his own family wander the streets) until I could get a job and a place on my own. My sister (the pioneer-serving-where-the-need-is-great-ne'er-been-kissed-perfect-witness) was still living at home at the time. She was in her 30s at the time, but she's always been a bit clingy and afraid to venture out. To this day I think that she choses to pioneer full-time because it sounds "noble", and it's easier to struggle (financially) and be considered noble and self-sacrificing than to pick your shit up, get a real job and take care of yourself in the real world (although saying the word "world" would probably send shudders down her spine). If it hadn't been for the rift between her and my step-mother (who claims to be "loving" but is as cold-hearted as can be) I'd bet you anything she'd still be living at home. One of her best friends is in her forties and still refuses to go out on her own! There's nothing wrong with that in itself, sometimes times call for family to be together, to help each other out. But when you stay at home because you're basically too naive to get your shit together, I call that a problem!
I'm straying from the point. After a few months of moving home, my sister and I decided to get a place together for a while. It worked really well for a while -- we could split expenses, save a little cash, etc. One year turned into 3, 4,5, etc. Here we are now, almost 9 years after that first apartment, and I'm still chipping in to help her! I've since moved in with my boyfriend. I finally got up the guts to slowly trickle my time away from the shared apartment till it was apparent I wasn't going to be living with sis- a spineless move, in retrospect. I wish I would have been more outright. I told her before we moved, that he had made the offer to live together and I was considering it. She blew that off (typical JW thought blocker popped up; I could almost physically see it) . She even said that a sister she's friends with offered her a room in their home to rent, but she turned it down because she didn't want to live with anyone else, she wanted her privacy. Umm, HELLO?! You don't think I want my privacy? To live my life as I please? I felt an enormous amount of guilt for so long, soI still kept sending my half of the rent because it felt like it was what I was supposed to do to "keep the peace" if that makes any sense.
It pisses me off because it makes me feel weak. Why should I help support her, especially since she spends most of her time in service as opposed to earning a decent living to at least support herself without my help. She even asks our father for help with expenses. What is so wrong with gettting a decent job and taking care of yourself? And where the hell does she get off trying to make me feel guilty about not want to live with (share expenses) with her? If I told her I was switching to a part-time work so that I could devote more time to pursue my christmas ornament/porn/smoking/pagan birthday card/free thinking/cult awareness business, would SHE support ME? HELL no. So why do I still feel obligated to support her when I think SHE is making such a ridiculous choice? She is so mind controlled it's ridiculous. I get a guilt trip for not bringing my son over to visit more (a passive-aggressive guilt trip, but a guilt trip nonetheless). But when I bring him home from a visit he starts spewing JW nonsense. Now on top of everything I've gotta deal with erasing that crap from his mind.
I'm sick of being considered the bad guy for doing what normal, healthy people do. Yep, I'm living in "sin" with a great, honest, supportive guy, my kid is happy, we celebrate any holiday we can find, I question any argument I hear without feeling like a bad person, and at the end of the day I have mindblowing, ridiculously amazing sex that would make a bird howl at the moon, and I make no apologies for any of that. Because it's LIFE. It's what we're supposed to do -- grow up, move on, and enjoy the changes.
So why am I at such a loss of words when it comes to cutting this tie with her? Anyone been here? Any advice on how to word things? I know for sure I have to end this within a month, because her (our) lease will be up, and frankly I'm going broke when I should be able to save at least a little something for myself and my son. I work too damn hard every day to give a good portion of it away to someone who's living in LaLa land. I just want to do this as gracefully as possible.
thanks,
Z
SO...
I left the borg for good when I went away to school. After a couple of years, I became pregnant with my son and had to move home. I have to say my dad (an elder) at least allowed me to come home (he at least has enough common sense not to let his own family wander the streets) until I could get a job and a place on my own. My sister (the pioneer-serving-where-the-need-is-great-ne'er-been-kissed-perfect-witness) was still living at home at the time. She was in her 30s at the time, but she's always been a bit clingy and afraid to venture out. To this day I think that she choses to pioneer full-time because it sounds "noble", and it's easier to struggle (financially) and be considered noble and self-sacrificing than to pick your shit up, get a real job and take care of yourself in the real world (although saying the word "world" would probably send shudders down her spine). If it hadn't been for the rift between her and my step-mother (who claims to be "loving" but is as cold-hearted as can be) I'd bet you anything she'd still be living at home. One of her best friends is in her forties and still refuses to go out on her own! There's nothing wrong with that in itself, sometimes times call for family to be together, to help each other out. But when you stay at home because you're basically too naive to get your shit together, I call that a problem!
I'm straying from the point. After a few months of moving home, my sister and I decided to get a place together for a while. It worked really well for a while -- we could split expenses, save a little cash, etc. One year turned into 3, 4,5, etc. Here we are now, almost 9 years after that first apartment, and I'm still chipping in to help her! I've since moved in with my boyfriend. I finally got up the guts to slowly trickle my time away from the shared apartment till it was apparent I wasn't going to be living with sis- a spineless move, in retrospect. I wish I would have been more outright. I told her before we moved, that he had made the offer to live together and I was considering it. She blew that off (typical JW thought blocker popped up; I could almost physically see it) . She even said that a sister she's friends with offered her a room in their home to rent, but she turned it down because she didn't want to live with anyone else, she wanted her privacy. Umm, HELLO?! You don't think I want my privacy? To live my life as I please? I felt an enormous amount of guilt for so long, soI still kept sending my half of the rent because it felt like it was what I was supposed to do to "keep the peace" if that makes any sense.
It pisses me off because it makes me feel weak. Why should I help support her, especially since she spends most of her time in service as opposed to earning a decent living to at least support herself without my help. She even asks our father for help with expenses. What is so wrong with gettting a decent job and taking care of yourself? And where the hell does she get off trying to make me feel guilty about not want to live with (share expenses) with her? If I told her I was switching to a part-time work so that I could devote more time to pursue my christmas ornament/porn/smoking/pagan birthday card/free thinking/cult awareness business, would SHE support ME? HELL no. So why do I still feel obligated to support her when I think SHE is making such a ridiculous choice? She is so mind controlled it's ridiculous. I get a guilt trip for not bringing my son over to visit more (a passive-aggressive guilt trip, but a guilt trip nonetheless). But when I bring him home from a visit he starts spewing JW nonsense. Now on top of everything I've gotta deal with erasing that crap from his mind.
I'm sick of being considered the bad guy for doing what normal, healthy people do. Yep, I'm living in "sin" with a great, honest, supportive guy, my kid is happy, we celebrate any holiday we can find, I question any argument I hear without feeling like a bad person, and at the end of the day I have mindblowing, ridiculously amazing sex that would make a bird howl at the moon, and I make no apologies for any of that. Because it's LIFE. It's what we're supposed to do -- grow up, move on, and enjoy the changes.
So why am I at such a loss of words when it comes to cutting this tie with her? Anyone been here? Any advice on how to word things? I know for sure I have to end this within a month, because her (our) lease will be up, and frankly I'm going broke when I should be able to save at least a little something for myself and my son. I work too damn hard every day to give a good portion of it away to someone who's living in LaLa land. I just want to do this as gracefully as possible.
thanks,
Z
