I've been thinking lately and one thing i can't get my head around is why i was deceived for so long by the JW's.
It is so obvious that the organisation is dogmatic, abusive and just plain wrong. They make it up as they go.
But when i just said "it is so obvious", then it begs the question, why the hell did I believe it?
Why would i listen to a talk that was full of obvious contradictions, generalisations and sweeping statements and then try to justify them in my mind, passing
them off as 'just a particular speakers style' or 'it's correct if you look at it this way'.
Anyone who walked off the street would laugh and say 'what a load of crap'. Was i particularly stupid, more so than the average person who walks off
the street?
One answer i've come up with is that it's a game. A mental exercise.
Have you ever played those mind games when you were a kid when you'd ask someone.....
do you think cars exist?
yes, of course they do
what's a car?
it's a thing with wheels
like a bike?
no it has four wheels
some bikes have four wheels
no but you can sit inside them
a plane has wheel and you sit inside them...
It was funny seeing people get frustrated trying to express something so simple. It was as though you could beat someone on a point, even though the other
person is correct and you had a stupid argument. Unless of course you tried it on an adult who gave a perfect definition straight off and ruined the game in
which case you'd go all quite then go away to try it on someone less expecting.
Now, you know that it's a game, but what if you had an invested interest in it? What if you grew up believing something and were praised every time you
enforced the validity of that belief. When you'd twist logic people would nod their heads and admire you? Then it might go something like this......
do you believe in noahs ark?
no
why?
because scientists have proven that it didnt happen
how do you know scientist are right?
well they know allot more than me
do scientist know everything?
no
are scientist wrong sometimes?
yes
well god is never wrong so why would i believe scientists, who you say are often wrong, over god who knows all?
but i dont belive in god
well thats because your using the wisdom of man which leads astray. Why would we follow our own faulty understanding when the bible says god knows all? ....
The JW has just won a ridiculous argument and walks away proudly feeling as though he outsmarted the other and probably thinking the opponent will be too
stubborn (even after being outsmarted) to accept the truth.
I think this is how my mind may have worked.
It's easy to believe logic and facts, that's boring. Taking something as faulty as the JW organisation and 'polishing a turd' so to speak, is
kind of exciting. It's an alternative way of thinking and it can trick people who are off guard.
It's like when someone tells you Elvis is still alive and give all the reasons why they believe this to be so. You've never heard their points and you
have no idea how to refute them. And you're too stunned by the stupidity to give a thoughtful answer.
Every time their points are not refuted, they go away even more convinced that the myth is true. And the reciting the myth embeds it even more in their minds.
The other reason that played a big part in keeping me deceived was what I'll call the "football factor"...
Your team lost the game last night
that's because David was out on an injury and they don't play well in the wet
Your team finished last on the ladder in 1998
That's so we would have the best draft pick then we could rebuild the team
Your team only won because of that bad umpire decision to pay a tiny push in the back
a push in the back is a push in the back, it doesn't matter if it was small, that's the rules
Your team lost because David pushed the opponent in the back in the last quarter
That was a terrible decision he hardly even touched him, it's hardly a push in the back
Your team won
I know that's cause they're the best
Your team lost
We played allot of interstate games, we had injuries, the umpires hate us, we're preparing for a win next year, we played allot of wet
games............................................
It's also part of the mental game but it's allot more 'patriotic'. Whenever something goes wrong there are excuses. Whenever something goes
right it's another example of perfection.
SO even though i consider myself to be intelligent to some degree, I think from the day i was born i was pitted against my brain. I was fighting a struggle of
rationalizing the ridulouse. I put my mental capabilities into confirming what i had been told rather than considering what is true. And this was encouraged.
So i think the ultimate answer to the question, 'why was i deceived so long' is, because i was taught that it was a virtue to deceive myself.
I still have allot to learn about myself but I'm slowly getting there. I feel that i have to delve into my previous frame of mind before i can move on. So
i can see where and why i was deceived and therefore understand why i am the way i am.
Then i think i can be truly free.
