Today I am feeling a little off. Tomorrow is the first day of the convention here. I am working instead of taking it off to go to the convention. I
didn't feel weird about it at all until today. I have never missed a convention day in my entire life. I'm getting so many flash backs of when I was
younger and I would be eagerly anticipating the D.C. for months! I would get new outfits, and figure out which day I was going to wear them, and how I would
wear my hair, and what nail polish I would paint my toes...you get the picture. The night before the D.C. (which would be tonight), I would be excited to go
help clean the venue (not because I love cleaning of course, cause I don't lol) but I loved seeing everyone. And I liked knowing my way around the venue.
My family is pretty big, and fairly well known here, and I loved walking around the convention and knowing so many people.
This year I didn't buy new convention outfits. I won't be going to the clean up tonight. I'm not really excited to go to the Sat&Sun, and I
dread wearing a badge with a congregation's name on it that I have not been attending. But at the same time, I still want to go because it feels normal.
This might sound strange, but I feel like I'm used to being excited for it, so my inner self is semi excited out of routine? I didn't want to go at
all, but suddenly today it hit me that it's weird enough not going on the Friday. And I almost feel guilty not going on Friday! Or sad. Why? Why all of
a sudden do I feel like this?
I think the following could have something to do with it...I got this email fwd from my mom with pictures of a chimp that takes care of 2 baby white tigers.
And here are some of the comments made within the fwd:
Proves that under the right conditions, all creation CAN live in harmony, given the right circumstances. Nature the way Jeh intended it! I can't wait for paradise I think it will be so much better than this!!And suddenly I felt odd, and kind of sad. The last few weeks I have been feeling really positive about my "blossoming new life plans"
I've been leaning towards agnostic thinking lately, so the regurgitation of all these hopes got me in a bit of a head spin. I have a cold too, so that probably doesn't help. *sigh*
Writing is such a soothing thing. Glad to have a place to ramble my thoughts.
