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I have been lurking here for a little while and finally decided to tell my story. It is not as dramatic of some that I have read here, but the JW upbringing has caused me a lot of grief in my life.

I was born into the JW "religion." My father attended Bethel and was sent to prison for avoiding the draft. My parents' parents were also JW's, as were (and still are) most of the rest of the family.

At a very young age, I can remember the emotional torment of not being able to play outside and socialize with other children because they were "wordly." My mother used to tell me that they were going to die at Armageddon because they were not Witnesses. We lived in a big northeastern city and at times I was allowed to sit on the front steps and watch the neighbor kids playing and having fun. I remember once when some kids asked me why I wasn't allowed off the porch, I told them that I could not play with them because they were "wordly and were going to die at Armageddon." One older girl promptly ran up to me and punched me hard in the stomach. Several of the neighborhood moms later came over and talked to my mother telling her they didn't want me saying things like that to their children. My mother beat the crap out of me for saying what I had said to the kids. I was confused as to why I got in trouble just for saying what I had been taught. Anyway, I was no longer allowed on the porch.

During my school years, the alienation and humiliation of not being able to salute the Flag and say the Pledge of Allegiance with the rest of the class was daily torture that I dreaded. Then there were the dreaded holidays that I could not celebrate and could not participate in holiday activities with the rest of the students. The rest of the kids seemed to be having so much fun with their Halloween crafts, and Christmas and Hanukah crafts and singing. The emotional torment that I suffered during my school years due to the JW teachings would end up causing damage that would last decades.

In my mid teens, I finally started thinking for myself and began to have doubts about the "truth." My father had kind of faded due to working long hours, but he still forced me to attend meetings with my mother, and I was beaten if I did not want to go.

One JW activity I especially dreaded was the door to door service on Saturdays. I remember my stomach turning in knots as we approached each door, hoping that a familiar face from school would not appear at the door. It was hard enough being a teen, but the added stress of not being able to have friends and have fun like normal kids do, and then having to try to not appear too much like a "freak" to the other teenagers at school made it more difficult. All I needed was someone from school to see me at their door with the Bible and JW literature, and I would probably be the brunt of jokes and ridicule at school for the rest of the school year.

The first chance I got after high school graduation, I left home to live with a non-JW relative. I started a life without the JW's, and in fact without religion at all. I realized that I don't even believe in God. I haven't stepped in a Kingdom Hall for over 25 years, except for a funeral of a relative. I have very little contact with my parents and the rest of my family because being around them brings back so many bad memories. I get sick when they start talking about their beliefs and how disappointed they are that I won't be in the "New Order" with them. My mother even told me at times that she wishes I would somehow die before "Armageddon" so I would automatically make it into the "New Order!" Nice, huh?

Even though so much time has passed, I still have a lot of anger towards the JW cult and it's teachings. I suffered a lot of anti-social behaviors and social phobias due to my upbringing. Most of them have subsided over time, but I missed out on a more normal life due to them, and frankly it still p*sses me off to this day.

I know my story lacks a lot of detail, but these were some general experiences and feelings that I had to get off my chest. I could go on and tell detailed stories of hypocrisy and other events (like my 13 year old cousin being fondled by a Bethel brother during home bible studies), but I will save some of those for later discussions.

Being raised as a JW is a horrible thing to do to a child. It should be considered child abuse to put a kid through that mental torture.