My name is Tim and I've been an ex-Witness for nearly 5 years. I'm just now starting to try and deal with all my issues. As such I've been researching more and more about others in my situation. So here's my story.
I am the third child (two older sisters) of two Witnesses. My siblings and I were all raised in "the truth" from birth. As such we led the typical sheltered life. My father was an elder and always struck me as one of the stricter Witnesses. We were always give a nice helping of guilt with everything we did. "Do you think Jehovah would approve of (insert harmless kid activity here) when you could be studying?" was something I became used to. I never was baptized because the meetings were just something I was forced to go to. I refused to answer at the Watchtower study and often "forgot" when I was assigned parts on the Theocratic Ministry School. Socializing with the other Witnesses was something I tried to avoid.
I never really got into too much trouble. I was always petrified of my father who sat right on the line of physically abusive and was certainly more than verbally abusive. Around the time I was about to turn 18 I started hanging out with some new "worldly" friends. I was going to college at the time but, despite working (for a Witness family I'd known my whole life), was too broke to move out on my own. My new friends were so refreshing. They couldn't understand why I had to stick to this religion if it made me so unhappy. It was like a revelation to me. I had never really thought that I had a choice in the matter. I was a Witness and couldn't escape. I soon tried to think of a plan but I couldn't come up with anything. I became so desperate that I attempted suicide. It was clear that something was wrong with me despite my silence. None of the Witnesses seemed to care, though. So I continued to go through the motions in my public life and actually confide in my real friends in my other life. Years of being taught that worldy friends wouldn't actually care about you proved to be false. Finally I had had enough and decided I was going to leave for good.
Dec 22, 2005 was the greatest day of my life. I had spent a couple months researching military life and decided I wanted to join the Army. I went to the recruiter's office and started the enlistment process. I knew that I had to force myself out of this religion and the Army wasn't exactly something I could just back out of. As it so happened that was a meeting night. I had called my one sister who had been disfellowshipped several years before to let her know my plan and that I'd be needing a place to stay. I also went to see my closest friend who would later become my wife with the news. I spent the rest of the day in my room on the verge of a psychotic breakdown over what I had to do. Shortly before my parents were leaving for the Kingdom Hall my dad came to my room. He instantly began to yell at why I was not ready for the meeting. I told him that I needed to talk to him and my mother. I kept it simple. "First of all, I don't want to be a Witness anymore." My father started to say something but I cut him off. "There's more. I'm joining the Army." He flew up in a fit of anger and disowned me right then and there. I called my sister telling her to pick me up right before they yanked my car keys and cell phone (all of which I had paid for every cent but was in no mood to fight over) from me.
I've deployed to Iraq and am currently in Afghanistan. I'll be out of the Army after this deployment and I'm moving with my loving and understanding wife of 4 years about 30 minutes away from my parents. Over the last five years I've abused alcohol a lot as a coping mechanism. Like I said, I'm just now trying to work on my issues. This is mainly because it's just now becoming evident to me that a lot of my problems stem from the incredible guilt I still feel. Heavy guilt was forced into me growing up and I'm still trying to overcome it. Anyways, I appreciate you reading my story and I'm really hoping this place will help.
I am the third child (two older sisters) of two Witnesses. My siblings and I were all raised in "the truth" from birth. As such we led the typical sheltered life. My father was an elder and always struck me as one of the stricter Witnesses. We were always give a nice helping of guilt with everything we did. "Do you think Jehovah would approve of (insert harmless kid activity here) when you could be studying?" was something I became used to. I never was baptized because the meetings were just something I was forced to go to. I refused to answer at the Watchtower study and often "forgot" when I was assigned parts on the Theocratic Ministry School. Socializing with the other Witnesses was something I tried to avoid.
I never really got into too much trouble. I was always petrified of my father who sat right on the line of physically abusive and was certainly more than verbally abusive. Around the time I was about to turn 18 I started hanging out with some new "worldly" friends. I was going to college at the time but, despite working (for a Witness family I'd known my whole life), was too broke to move out on my own. My new friends were so refreshing. They couldn't understand why I had to stick to this religion if it made me so unhappy. It was like a revelation to me. I had never really thought that I had a choice in the matter. I was a Witness and couldn't escape. I soon tried to think of a plan but I couldn't come up with anything. I became so desperate that I attempted suicide. It was clear that something was wrong with me despite my silence. None of the Witnesses seemed to care, though. So I continued to go through the motions in my public life and actually confide in my real friends in my other life. Years of being taught that worldy friends wouldn't actually care about you proved to be false. Finally I had had enough and decided I was going to leave for good.
Dec 22, 2005 was the greatest day of my life. I had spent a couple months researching military life and decided I wanted to join the Army. I went to the recruiter's office and started the enlistment process. I knew that I had to force myself out of this religion and the Army wasn't exactly something I could just back out of. As it so happened that was a meeting night. I had called my one sister who had been disfellowshipped several years before to let her know my plan and that I'd be needing a place to stay. I also went to see my closest friend who would later become my wife with the news. I spent the rest of the day in my room on the verge of a psychotic breakdown over what I had to do. Shortly before my parents were leaving for the Kingdom Hall my dad came to my room. He instantly began to yell at why I was not ready for the meeting. I told him that I needed to talk to him and my mother. I kept it simple. "First of all, I don't want to be a Witness anymore." My father started to say something but I cut him off. "There's more. I'm joining the Army." He flew up in a fit of anger and disowned me right then and there. I called my sister telling her to pick me up right before they yanked my car keys and cell phone (all of which I had paid for every cent but was in no mood to fight over) from me.
I've deployed to Iraq and am currently in Afghanistan. I'll be out of the Army after this deployment and I'm moving with my loving and understanding wife of 4 years about 30 minutes away from my parents. Over the last five years I've abused alcohol a lot as a coping mechanism. Like I said, I'm just now trying to work on my issues. This is mainly because it's just now becoming evident to me that a lot of my problems stem from the incredible guilt I still feel. Heavy guilt was forced into me growing up and I'm still trying to overcome it. Anyways, I appreciate you reading my story and I'm really hoping this place will help.
