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Im a gay JW - And PROUD of it!

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TimothyJT	Im a gay JW - And PROUD of it!	Lead	[-]
Registered Member Posts: 14 Mar 20 11 7:26 AM Reply Quote More My Recent Posts	Hi everyone. Just joined the forum! My name is Tim, im 23, i live in the UK, im still a JW, and im gay! Just wanted to share my story with you all! I have joined a few other sites recently and the response i have received has been nothing short of incredible. No doubt it will be the same here! So... ever since i was a child i knew i had homosexual desires, but like all in the organisation, we are told to suppress them. I did for a long time... so much so that it causes severe depression. Now i look back, i see how interesting this has become because i have been such a good spiritual young man for so long (a vain attempt to blot out my desires), but i see how being so hasnt really helped me whatsoever. I am a very spiritual person, and i LOVE the bible, but i see how im not accepted by the organisation anymore. I find that sad really as this is what i have grown up with and in many ways, i do like it. I do see a lot of flaws since i have started to accept my own sexuality. I have become a lot more critical. smiling. I still spend time with my friends in the congregations and i still go on the ministry and to the meetings but i can see how my zeal has seriously diminished... the reason is simple... i no longer fit in! Although this is the case... Anyway, 4 weeks ago i decided enough was enough. I was SICK of being depressed and confused, and after 13 years of it, i decided that im now gay! Im very PROUD of it too! Every morning I wake up and imim no longer depressed! YIPEE!!! I did have a year long relationship with a brother and when he broke it off with me as it was becoming too serious... i became very upset and confused! My recent decision that enough is enough has been sparked from this. Now... im so happy with myself that i couldnt care less anymore about the organisation. I do think this is sad as i know i will lose a lot of friends but at least i will have someone i truly love and feel right with! For anyone currently going through this situation... please email me!!! Talking about it with someone who understands is THE BEST THING you can possibly do! It seriously helped me! Im now looking forward to the future... I know its going to be quite painful in places, but i bet its worth it! Thanks for listening! If you want to email me please feel free! Timmy Edited to remove email address..........if you would like to speak with Tim please pm him Sam (Admin) Last Edited By: solitaire Mar 21 11 4:49 AM. Edited 1 time.
Peanut	Welcome	#1	[-]
Platinum Level Member Posts: 373 Mar 20 11 10:16 AM Reply Quote More My Recent Posts	Tim your story mirrors mine pretty closely - that is i spent years in the Borg hoping it would cure me of my homosexuality to no avail. In the end i got fed up with it besides other issues that bothered me like god killing children at the big A and permission of wickedness.A god like that is not for me thank you. So believe me your not 'the only gay in the village' to quote the tv show Little Britain. Before i email you, please PM me here first - btw, i live in the UK too. Again, good to have you on here dude!
TimothyJT		#2	[-]
Registered Member Posts: 14 Mar 20 11 11:18 AM Reply Quote More My Recent Posts	Haha... thanks Peanut! I love the Welcome emoticon! HAHA!!! Yes... from reading other sites... i appreciate that im not alone and that there are MANY who understand what im going through. Personaly, from studying the bible, i dont agree that a loving God would do those things to those who dont believe! God is Love! I dont agree that only JWs are going to be saved! Thats not what the bible teaches! I could go on for ages with regards to my feelings these days. I have changed so much since embracing my sexuality! Anyway, thanks for posting! Speak to you soon! Tim
sarahkate		#3	[-]
Platinum Level Member Posts: 393 Mar 20 11 11:21 AM Reply Quote More My Recent Posts	A BIGto you Timmy. Glad to have you here and to hear that you are sooo much happier!!!! Sarahkate xx
dude		#4	[-]
MVP (Most Valuable Poster)++ Posts: 1975 Mar 20 11 11:21 AM Reply Quote More My Recent Posts	welcome to the board, Im not gay but Im glad I can openly accept gays and not hate on them which seems to be a favorite past time of many jw's (probably due to closeted homosexual tendencies, but thats a different issue all together). Glad you fixed your depression and accepted yourself for who you are, its all we can all do Enjoy the board and good for you. The Dude Abides
tarheelgirl87		#5	[-]
Gold Level Member Posts: 147 Mar 20 11 4:19 PM Reply Quote More My Recent Posts	Welcome Tim and I'm happy you're going to let yourself be free and live the life you want now. If you're gay, you're gay and really there is nothing that can change that. I will say this though, I have seen instances in the organization when a guy I know for a fact is gay, goes out and gets married to a woman and has kids. I hate seeing that as 1) it's not fair to either the wife or husband and 2) it makes the man (or sometimes woman if she's lesbian) live a lie. And no one can be happy living a lie, so I'm happy you're going to start living your life without giving a care to what the "holier than thou art" GB says you should or shouldn't do.
samson		#6	[-]
MVP (Most Valuable Poster) Posts: 705 Mar 21 11 3:49 AM Reply Quote More My Recent Posts
solitaire		#7	[-]
Posts: 15265 Mar 21 11 5:00 AM Administrator Reply Quote More My Recent Posts	Hey Timmy hello and welcome to the forum I am so pleased that you have been brave enough to escape the mind control of the religion, and be who you are!!! After all the guilt heaped upon you by the society, it must be so wonderful to finally be free!! I think you will certainly identify with the story of what happened to John and Phil........who are also members here........I'm sure when they see your thread they will say Hi........... http://exjehovahswitnessforum.yuku.com/topic/12761/JWs-DF-d-after-being-videod?page=1 Its great to have you here (especially as you are a fellow UK'er lol) and look forward to knowing you better Hugs Sam xx
Goatherder		#8	[-]
Platinum Level Member Posts: 253 Mar 21 11 5:12 AM Reply Quote More My Recent Posts	Hi and . Similar story as yours - I'm a lesbian and have been with my partner for 15 years. I was a jw for 25 years and tried to fit in. My friend Happygoat says that she always knew I was gay, while I came to understand that later on. I struggled with a few different issues finally deciding that if I wasn't serving Jehovah whole souled he would destroy me anyway so why bother. As a side point - I have been gone for 10 years and have tried a couple different religions and not once have I heard the word "destroy/destruction". Anyway - good for you on living truthfully as a gay person openly. It really is a wonderful feeling. I hope you stick around here and enjoy your time here. Jill
punkofnice		#9	[-]
Posts: 5365 Mar 21 11 5:15 AM Forum Moderator Reply Quote More My Recent Posts	A big Unky Punky WeLcOmE to the forum Timothy! Glad you are out and proud. The cult always temd to 'hate the person' and are very judgmental. (Something I notice in Mrs Punk). I have many gay friends and they're all great folk! If being gay was good enough for GB members Leo Greenleas and Ewart Chitty then it should be good enough for JW's who worship their leaders! Regards Paul (MDA - Mentally diseased apostate)! *Just remember. Neither The Watchtower(TM) nor the elders(TM) nor anyone in the 'truth'(TM) have any authority over you. Once you accept this you're well on your way to living!* Paint jobs on some familiar magazines and 'dublications' of the washtowel are kept here >> http://exjehovahswitnessforum.yuku.com/topic/17962/Some-Familiar-Publications-given-the-paint-job Join me on FACEBOOK http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100002619536657 Join me on YouTube http://www.youtube.com/user/PuNkOfNiCe?feature=mhee
DuWut		#10	[-]
Platinum Level Member Posts: 485 Mar 21 11 12:43 PM Reply Quote More My Recent Posts	Goatherder wrote: Similar story as yours - I'm a lesbian and have been with my partner for 15 years. TimothyJT wrote: So... ever since i was a child i knew i had homosexual desires, but like all in the organisation, we are told to suppress them. Can I ask you two some questions??? I mean this in all sincerity and honesty with no humor or sarcasm. I'm just honestly curious about a few things. I don't want to ask anything that would be insensitive or hopefully not too horribly ignorant. Just wondering if either of you are open to talking about it or answering a few of my questions. If not, just say no and that's ok with me. Being a heterosexual man obviously I don't get being gay, because I'm not. I don't have any thoughts, feelings, emotions, tendenacies that have ever pulled me that way. That being said obviously millions of people worldwide are homosexual. The JW/Bible whatever version of how Hetero's are to look at Homosexuals is that they are unnatural, gross, sinful sexual deviants quite honestly. They view it as a "choice" that the person makes. So here are my questions: - Do you feel you were born a homosexual? (In other words you didn't ask to me homosexual, you didn't choose to be homosexual, you just simply were created this way) - If so, how does that not mess with your mind if you are taught that God does not agree with homosexuality? - How do you answer the question that it is unnatural to be a homosexual since two humans of the same sex cannot procreate? I'll stop there. Not sure if you want to entertain these questions out in the public or not. But quite frankly I am ignorant to these questions and was always curious as to how homosexuals feel about them, especially ones that we're JW. I know of "brother" that quite frankly was very flammboyant and somewhat effeminate and he later did leave his JW wife for a man and admitted to his homosexuality sometime later. No doubt he tried to fit in with society and also in the congregation as a married heterosexual man until he couldn't live the lie to himself anymore. Again I don't know if I overstepped my bounds by trying to broach this subject or not, and I don't want to offend, I'm just honestly & humbly curious to the answers or insight either of you might have.
thehappygoat		#11	[-]
MVP (Most Valuable Poster)++ Posts: 1663 Mar 21 11 1:21 PM Reply Quote More My Recent Posts	and welcome Timothy! I applaud you for having the courage and determination it takes to not only come out, but to come out after being a witness! A double whammy! The whole gay issue was one of the things that always bothered me the most about the org. I believed with all my heart that a person is either born gay or hetero. I simply could not reconcile in my mind how a loving god would ultimately destroy someone for who he/she IS. And the absolute disgust that witnesses would display whenever they talked about gay people made my skin crawl. My dearest friend "goatherder" has already responded to you. As she said, I knew her for years and years and I knew without a doubt that she was gay, but it took a long time for her to accept that about herself. I suppose it's all a part of the whole "deaden your members" thing we heard all the time. Which, by the way, is about the most archaic expression there is, you know? You might have some rough times ahead of you, but you sound so ready for the challenge, if it means you can finally live a truly authentic life. Good for you! Valerie P.S. To duwut: Don't worry about Jill (goatherder). She and her partner are very open to questions and discussions about all this. One thing an elder used to say about being gay was that in his opinion, it had to be a choice, because if it was a "disease" god would never destroy someone for "having it." He would only destroy those who made a choice to live that lifestyle. When I think about the four people I personally knew in the org. who were gay and who later committed suicide, I would challenge that elder til I was blue in the face that those poor folks didn't have any choice as to who they were. Their extreme depression was not because they chose to be gay, but IMO the result of being forced to, again, "deaden their members" and deny what they truly were. And of course, as George and Jerry said "Not that there's anything wrong with it!"
TimothyJT		#12	[-]
Registered Member Posts: 14 Mar 21 11 1:53 PM Reply Quote More My Recent Posts	Firstly, thanks to everyone! Its great to know so many are interested and supportive! Ok, hi Duwut! Im happy to answer some questions yeah! Ok… lets see… just to clarify, I assume that the natural love I feel for men, is exactly the same love that you feel for women! I believe it’s as simple as that, but my perception has been ‘twisted’! Ok… so here goes with the questions: 1. I have researched sexuality quite a bit, and scientists do say that it has to do with both nature AND nurture! As I was growing up I just found that I was more attracted to guys! I cant pinpoint an event which made this so. I had a great upbringing! No troubles whatsoever, but I just found myself aroused and attracted by men. I really cant explain it. Perhaps some things were caused by nurture, but I don’t know what they were. I do agree that there is beauty in many women, but physically I don’t see what is so exciting about their unique body parts. They just don’t do ANYTHING for me. Never have. So, I don’t believe Jehovah created me this way… I simply believe this is an imperfection just as much as an illness is an imperfection. I don’t believe God will condemn me for an illness, just as much as he wouldn’t condemn someone with cancer. That’s not the kind of God I have drawn close to! 2. This is a tough one. It has messed with my head. I know that in the future I will have to abandon a lot of things just to be who I am. It saddens me in many ways, but I try to remember key scriptures that remind me that im imperfect and that whatever happens as long as my heart is in the right place, then Jah understands. I think specifically of the account when Peter betrayed Jesus. He DIDN’T want to, but he did because he was a weak imperfect human. Similarly, I cant fight this anymore. So I choose not to. I hope Jah understands that. If he does and he sees I still want to serve him (which I will try my best to) then I hope he grants me favour despite the fact I wouldn’t be in his good books so to speak. 3. I cant answer this question. The way it reads… im going against the bible… something that I DON’T want to do. I don’t care if I go against the org… I already have in many ways. But going against Jahs commands does affect me! However, I cant keep up the façade of being a happy good JW lad when in reality on the inside im dying. Again, I can only hope Jehovah understands. I understand that this isn’t natural, but It feels right to me. I hope that helps! That’s how I see things… basically; this isn’t the way I wanted things to turn out. I wanted to get married and have children and live forever in paradise, etc… but the way my life is going, seriously… if I carry on lying to myself, I will end up like the brother you knew, suppressing my feelings so much that I will ruin more than my own life. I cant take that chance… I don’t want to take that chance. Once again, I hope Jah understands. I know im weak here, but this is me! If I can be happy in myself then great! Hehe… don’t worry about asking me… I love talking about it! Any more questions please feel free to ask! Love Timmy
jamset		#13	[-]
Gold Level Member Posts: 159 Mar 21 11 1:56 PM Reply Quote More My Recent Posts	Hello Timothy and Welcome I would think it to be impossible to stay in the organization after coming to the realization that you are in fact gay and aren't trying to fight it or suppress that identifying fact of your sexuality. You sound like a strong, determined person! I'm sure you will find other ways to serve god, where you will be accepted. Welcome!!!
thehappygoat		#14	[-]
MVP (Most Valuable Poster)++ Posts: 1663 Mar 21 11 2:17 PM Reply Quote More My Recent Posts	I'm back already! Now I have a question! It makes me sad that you think of your sexuality as an illness, or an imperfection. Maybe this point of view comes from both what the bible says and what is still the perception of many in the world in general. But from the bible's viewpoint, have you thought about researching the bible from a different perspective and from a different translation? You clearly still have a love for god and even the org. in many ways, and I don't want to tear that all down, but there are a lot of other viewpoints out there about all this that might surprise you. I know as witnesses we were not encouraged to think outside of the channel we were provided, and I don't know how you feel about doing this, with something this big, it is worth doing as much research as you can!
TimothyJT		#15	[-]
Registered Member Posts: 14 Mar 21 11 2:42 PM Reply Quote More My Recent Posts	Hi Happygoat! Good points! I have always been encouraged by my dad to do external bible research! We arnt realy the average JW's and we dont agree with many of the things we hear from the platform! I have heard bros say in the past that gayness is an illness! I use this term in inverted commas, but to an extent, i do believe that my mind is twisted! I know that this isnt natural... its not the way we were created! Nontheless, i cant deny my deepest feelings! My feelings are only affected realy by my close family and the bible. I couldnt care less what the organisations stand was on something or what society in general thinks. So, i did some research a few weeks ago about the bible and sexuality. Its a big subject! Oh yes... i LOVE the bible but it does sadden me that im going against it. I know you say that i can research it from other points of view, but like most people, in the end i can just twist it suit myself! Nontheless, you have encouraged me to research it again! I love studying, and this is a subject which is very close to my heart and one which i would like to get to the bottom of! I still think the bible blatantly condemns homosexuality, but i do believe that Jehovah is merciful to those who are honest hearted! Ill let you know how i get on! Thanks for your encouraging words! Tim
DuWut		#16	[-]
Platinum Level Member Posts: 485 Mar 21 11 3:03 PM Reply Quote More My Recent Posts	TimothyJT: First off I'm thankfull for you taking the time to respond to my questions. I find it interesting because I'm quite sure it is nearly impossible to try to be attracted to the opposite sex when your just simply not. And if your simply not, then what are you supposed to do? I don't know. That's why I, as a heteorsexual don't consider it a "desease or imperfection" per se myself, that's not what I think. I basically just thought that it as more of a "genetic/DNA/this is how your born" thing (I'm obviously no Doctor or expert on this, which is why I asked those questons). I don't think if your are truly a homosexual that you really have a choice at all, other than to be who you are. But if you be who you are, and your a JW (or many other types of Christain religion) then being Gay is gonna be a major problem. I have questions for God myself about many other things (if there is a God) and things I see in the "natural world", in the scienfic world that need explanation. And this topic is just another one, even though I can't personally related to it. I try to put myself in the other persons shoes and try to see things from their perspective. I actually have more thoughts to share & questions to ask, but I have to run. So I might post some tomorrow if that is ok?
TimothyJT		#17	[-]
Registered Member Posts: 14 Mar 21 11 3:42 PM Reply Quote More My Recent Posts	Hehe... dont mention it DuWut! It is an interesting subject! I find liberty to be such an important subject these days! Why should someone be condemned for who they are if they cant change it! But with this question there are gray areas. For example... a paedophile may argue that he cant control his feelings and actions... should society be as liberal? Personaly i think no as that is a REAL problem and is quite sick... but homosexuality i dont think is a serious problem. I suppose it depends on who you are benefiting/hurting! For example... my being gay is not hurting anyone. If i was to steal someones wife or husband, that is to say adultery, then i agree thats wrong because im ruining at least one persons wife. Personaly i feel in this case soceity shouldnt be as understanding! Interesting stuff isnt it! You put it plainly though... i dont have a choice! In reality i do, but 100% of me is telling me one way, and im being encouraged constantly to go the other by JW's! Yes... there are going to be problems! Sucks! This is something actualy that iv prayed about so much... in the past i used to cry on my pillow when praying, pleading with Jah to take away these feelings... make my life easier... If i could ask him what causes this id be satisfied... but it still wouldnt make me change! I suppose there are lots of things humans dont understand yet! Im glad you do that... put yourself in others shoes! Iv become quite good at this! I just wish some JW's would be a little more understanding! I fear in the future that they wont be! Anyway, whatever... its my life! I need happiness! Please post as many questions as you want! Ill try my best to answer them from a gay JW perspective! Nice chatting with you! Have a good day! See you tommorow! Tim
Cacky		#18	[-]
Paramount Member Posts: 5709 Mar 21 11 4:55 PM Reply Quote More My Recent Posts	Hi and welcome Tim, I'm a hetereosexual who's glad to meet you. Isn't wonderful when we can finally be free to be our true selves. It's always nice to read of that happening to someone. Good to meet you.
Goatherder		#19	[-]
Platinum Level Member Posts: 253 Mar 21 11 6:32 PM Reply Quote More My Recent Posts	Hi - sorry to respond so late to this - but I've been gone much of the day. Like Happygoat (Valerie) said - I welcome questions and I don't pretend to know everything about genetics/DNA or even the Bible, but I do know that to be straight would be so much easier then being a lesbian. And for awhile I tried to do the right thing and look at men that way but I always felt very odd. It was not a comfortable thing for me and yet I did what I thought I was supposed to do. In time I just thought I would accept me as I am and WOW - how much easier has my life been since. I don't hide who I am at all and I'm much happier than I ever was. I agree with Tim on some things but I don't agree that my being gay is an imperfection. I think it's who I am the same way that being straight is who others are. And I agree that a person can read the bible and get any understanding they want out of it to support whatever they want it to say. The God that I love and worship loves me as I am. Like I said in my earlier comment - I have been to other churches and they don't talk about death and destruction - they talk about the love of Chris Jesus and what that actually means. It's a much more joyful experience to be in an organization that teaches love and grace and not death and condemnation. Again - ask any questions anytime. Jill
whythedarkness		#20	[-]
MVP (Most Valuable Poster) Posts: 951 Mar 21 11 7:49 PM Reply Quote More My Recent Posts	Hi there Timothy and welcome to the board. I'm from the UK too! I have also struggled with balancing my sexuality with the requirements of the org and with the Bible as I identify as bisexual. The only way I have been able to achieve peace for myself is to throw out all belief that the Bible is the inspired word of God, which is a huge leap to make. What is written in the Bible is very positioned and situational and the men who wrote the books in the Bible were writing according to their world-view and according to the values and goals of the society around them. This means that a lot of grey areas are left, which, amongst other things, shows a fundamental lack of understanding about the human psyche. I believe that if our standing with God is valued according to how well we follow the Bible then God has a lot to answer for because the Bible doesn't seem to understand humans and what makes us happy. Anyway, I'm glad that you're on the path of being true to yourself. I wish you all the best. hugs

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Im a gay JW - And PROUD of it!

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