This is really diffcut for me to talk about, and frankly, it's embarrassing. But with everything going on wih my situation trying to fade, I have become extremely depressed. I feel like I don''t want to do anything; all I do is sleep, work, go out with friends sometimes, and just sit around. I can't get motivated to exercise or eat healthy, which has made me gain a little weight. I feel horrible about myself. I am not a big girl by any means, but I am pretty short, only 4'11", and I have curves, so a normal weight on a girl with normal height automatically looks larger on me.
Which brings me to my next point....
I have recently started feeling sick and guilty almost every time I eat, and have considered making myself throw up to feel better. Tonight I did it for the first time. And of course I only felt worse afterward. I will try not to do that again.
I just feel so horribly bad about myself. I am hurting everyone I love by "turning my back on Jehovah" as they call it, and whether or not that's true, in their minds, I'm still hurting them. And let me tell you, that does a number on your self-esteem. It really has made me feel disgusting and horrible inside and out. I am the type of person that wants to make everyone happy. If something is wrong, I want to fix it. And I can't fx this.
I don't know why I posted this here. I guess the fact that it's anonymous helps.
Which brings me to my next point....
I have recently started feeling sick and guilty almost every time I eat, and have considered making myself throw up to feel better. Tonight I did it for the first time. And of course I only felt worse afterward. I will try not to do that again.
I just feel so horribly bad about myself. I am hurting everyone I love by "turning my back on Jehovah" as they call it, and whether or not that's true, in their minds, I'm still hurting them. And let me tell you, that does a number on your self-esteem. It really has made me feel disgusting and horrible inside and out. I am the type of person that wants to make everyone happy. If something is wrong, I want to fix it. And I can't fx this.
I don't know why I posted this here. I guess the fact that it's anonymous helps.
