Probably some of the problem can be attributed to my personality which I know can sometimes rub people the wrong way but I think there's more to it. For example I don't really care much for birthdays and holidays and hold back from really enjoying them. I'm not religious and have no desire to replace what I had in the JW's with some other faith that I spent 25 years disliking. I'm outspoken about religion in politics and for example my views about Michelle Bachmann and other religious fanatics running for office has angered a lot of people. Just because I don't like the GOP candidates doesn't mean (as they automatically assume) I'm for Obama. Obama reminds me of a brother I once knew who ironically is about the same age as the President and grew up in Chicago. He was a great orator but in reality it was all about him and bringing praise to himself. This has nothing to do with the President but I can't separate the two. Of course politics in general turn me off and I catch myself thinking Witness like thoughts about the futility of the whole thing. I really don't even care to vote, it just feels like a waste of time. I'm a veteran and was in the service for four years before becoming a JW so I have an odd mix of contradictory life experiences. I remember that some of the Witnesses didn't like my status as a veteran but that's another story.
It's really hard to change after 25 years in the org, even after over a dozen years on the outside. I'd like to deny that I'm still affected but it never really goes away and even though I no longer consciously think like a Witness there is that little bit of influence that keeps coming to the forefront. Another thing that happens is that after 25 years my pre Witness friends had long since moved on and so I never really got those old friends back. They probably would have still been friends if not for me abandoning them two and a half decades earlier so I can't blame them. Being a family man with grown kids and a busy life it's really hard to reestablish new friendships so after twelve years I'm still in limbo in that respect. Figure I was in my early 20's when I became a JW, was in it for 25 years, have been out for 12 and now I'm at an age where people have long since established their relationships.
Things never really clicked at work after leaving the JW's. Here I was zealously beating people up with the bible for years at work then all of a sudden I'm saying "hey guys, how about we go out for a beer?" They never figured out how to take my drastic change and in the meantime we've all reached our late 50's and early 60's so everybody settled down. Now we all just want to get home and change into something comfortable so we can relax.
I'm not complaining but by the time I found myself a lot of the potential for establishing new relationships had already passed me by. I think I'll always feel like this awkward guy with two left feet that nobody who has never been a JW understands. In some respects I feel like I'm still in my early 20's waiting for the good times I left back then to return but they never will. No complaints but has anyone else felt this way? I've never really sought out any ex JW's and the few I have known have gone onto such diverse interests and views that our shared JW experience isn't as strong of a bond as far as hanging out and doing things like one might expect. I think ex Witnesses would understand my reaction to things more than anyone else but on the other hand I don't want to sit around and rehash those bad memories at some meet up once a month. My observation about ex Witnesses actually developing strong friendships after leaving the org is that most JW friends were friends because of our shared experience. Once that shared experience is removed there is no longer a strong base to hold it together for the long run. I'm sure that there are some exceptions but everyone's circumstances are different so I don't think there's a right or wrong or that I'm even looking for anything to change. Just some random thoughts on a rather sh*tty day.
It's really hard to change after 25 years in the org, even after over a dozen years on the outside. I'd like to deny that I'm still affected but it never really goes away and even though I no longer consciously think like a Witness there is that little bit of influence that keeps coming to the forefront. Another thing that happens is that after 25 years my pre Witness friends had long since moved on and so I never really got those old friends back. They probably would have still been friends if not for me abandoning them two and a half decades earlier so I can't blame them. Being a family man with grown kids and a busy life it's really hard to reestablish new friendships so after twelve years I'm still in limbo in that respect. Figure I was in my early 20's when I became a JW, was in it for 25 years, have been out for 12 and now I'm at an age where people have long since established their relationships.
Things never really clicked at work after leaving the JW's. Here I was zealously beating people up with the bible for years at work then all of a sudden I'm saying "hey guys, how about we go out for a beer?" They never figured out how to take my drastic change and in the meantime we've all reached our late 50's and early 60's so everybody settled down. Now we all just want to get home and change into something comfortable so we can relax.
I'm not complaining but by the time I found myself a lot of the potential for establishing new relationships had already passed me by. I think I'll always feel like this awkward guy with two left feet that nobody who has never been a JW understands. In some respects I feel like I'm still in my early 20's waiting for the good times I left back then to return but they never will. No complaints but has anyone else felt this way? I've never really sought out any ex JW's and the few I have known have gone onto such diverse interests and views that our shared JW experience isn't as strong of a bond as far as hanging out and doing things like one might expect. I think ex Witnesses would understand my reaction to things more than anyone else but on the other hand I don't want to sit around and rehash those bad memories at some meet up once a month. My observation about ex Witnesses actually developing strong friendships after leaving the org is that most JW friends were friends because of our shared experience. Once that shared experience is removed there is no longer a strong base to hold it together for the long run. I'm sure that there are some exceptions but everyone's circumstances are different so I don't think there's a right or wrong or that I'm even looking for anything to change. Just some random thoughts on a rather sh*tty day.

