(First things first. English is not my first language so I apologize in advance for my poor use of words and/or mistakes)
Hi everyone.
I'm new to this and as many, I have been a longtime lurker.
I haven't read (so far) a story quite like mine but I'm sure it's not an uncommon one. So here it goes, from the beginning:
I was born in 1985 in what must be considered one of the most loving families ever. My parents are both Catholics and, while growing up, I went through every doctrinal ritual of the religion. I lived a happy and fulfilling childhood.
When I finally developed the mental maturity, skills and strengths to think for myself I concluded (after a quite lengthy and comprehensive study, I might add) that the notion of a God didn't make any sense. I think that the questioning of one's beliefs shows nothing more than Humility. It demonstrates, effectively the need of reassurance, especially from self-made (or man-made) ideological constructions. To recognize the fallibility and imperfection of these, requires nothing less than the assertion of one's proneness to error and is therefore an attribute of anyone who can be considered humble (at least intellectually). So there was I, 16 years old and an Agnostic.
After excelling in high school I enrolled in the best University of my country (and one of the best in Europe i might add/brag) where I would meet the love of my life. I had all the freedom I would ever need and was very popular. Having established previously that there was no God, my worries were those of any 17 year old: my grades, parties and girls. (I was as worldly as they come)
So one day out of nothing I meet her (let's call her D for the sake of anonymity) and we immediately felt an uncommon attraction towards eachother. Being a self-confident bloke I talk to her and invite her to the movies without breaking too many sweats. In our first date, I decided to take D to see Cold Mountain. I remember the name of the movie although i never saw one single second of it. Once the room became dark I immediately engaged in my Casanova mode and, before the first ten minutes had gone by, we were kissing. Properly. (and i don't mean that as jw proper)
This was on Valentines day (which was unintended) and I was in love. I really was. I felt like a child and all my smugness and self-confidence were replaced by an overwhelming feeling that it's still hard to describe today. Then, i drive her home and stop in front of her house. Strangely, she asks me if i can park a few meters in front. And so I do.
It was around 11o'clock in the night and we started to talk about what had just happened. We stayed inside my car until it was morning (7am). We really clicked and talked about everything. We were open and honest with each other, which I felt was quite refreshing. Among many other subjects we suddenly end up talking about our future together. D says something like: "i really like you. I want to be your girlfriend and maybe one day even marry you". WOOOW. Stop everything. An alarm bell just rang in my head. so here we are after a great first date, already talking about marriage. Up until then i never even had that subject come up. It usually was all about dating, kissing, sex, and so on. But, because i was so infatuated i just decided to never give that conversation a second thought. After that, the subject turns to religion and she starts to inquire about my beliefs. I quickly explain my fierce agnostic stance stating some of the facts that made me realize that the existence of a superior being was hugely unlikely. Politely (and not particularly interested), I inquire back as to her beliefs. "I am one of Jehovahs Witnesses". I remember clearly that this didn't even register properly because i had never ever heard anything about Jehovah's Witnesses. For me she could have said she was buddhist, catholic, muslim, rastafarian, pastafarian, etc. It wouldn't have made any difference as I was quite open minded about every creed. I always felt that anyone had the right and the freedom to believe in whatever they want/choose to believe in. after all, we all live in a free society.
Ten days after that, we had sex, one month after that, all HELL breaks loose. Unbeknownst to me at that time she felt guilty about it and chose to confide in the elders of her congregation. Though i still didn't know by then the seriousness of the situation, it became quite evident to me when her mother who lived on the other side of the globe (literally) decides to drop by to have a "little" chat with me.
Although she was quite polite and mild mannered she told me that I was a worldly person, and because of that we couldn't date anymore. Some of you can probably imagine the confusion in my heart and mind. She proceeded to explain that, unlike every other person on this earth, they had the "truth" and I was blinded by Satan. Courageously i decide to fight for D and our love and start to drop on her mother all the scientific knowledge i could think of that could contradict her. I talked about evolution and was scorned without any real arguments, about dinossaurs, about carbon dating, about the big bang, only to have my solidly based facts refuted by the same argument every single time: "but in the bible, blah blah". That day, i just didn't have enough knowledge to argue about the good book with someone who could immediately quote some verses and had evidently read it quite sometimes. I gave up upon realizing that in fact i was way in over my head, and i didn't know that much about the bible or, for that matter, about what D believed in. So, being intellectually honest (still) I agreed to study with some elders. My only condition was that D was present at all times. Mind you that when i decided to study i did so only because i wanted to have enough knowledge to successfully argue about religion and the bible itself with her mother. And i was darn honest about it. None the less her mother ventured to say: "if you have an honest heart, you will see the truth for yourself" - yeah right!
Well at least we would still be able to date. But as everyone must know, nothing was ever the same.
Ok, now we can fast forward to 4 years later when we were still pretty much in love (our relationship was almost perfect, despite all the typical problems in a jw love relation) and i was even more agnostic. I wasn't seduced by any of their arguments and so-called facts. In fact, by then i had successfully raised so many questions that one of the MS which attended my study had disassociated himself (I have since learned that, although he had many doubts prior, my arguments moved him to stand for himself and just leave). To everyone's dismay i wasn't "progressing" (and i sincerely didn't know i was supposed to. I was operating under the assumption that i was studying so i could learn and understand the woman i loved, not because i needed to convert). When everyone finally understood that i wasn't budging one inch, the strategy changed altogether. The elder which was giving me my bible study decided I wasn't worth the effort and started to cancel the study sessions himself. Also they sneaked behind my back and told D that she had to leave me or be DFd. She didn't have enough strength and agreed. I don't blame her because i have since learned the kind of despicable pressure and power they have over people. Soon she was dating someone inside the organization. Everyone was truly happy, except for me and D. This lasted 2 or 3 months but I never gave up on her, on us. So i decided that I would try to progress even if I didn't even believe in a God for the sake of our love. I thought we were worth it. after that, we quickly rekindled our relationship.
When we were already dating for 6years, we decided to get married. But not before the elders started to pressure me into going to meetings, and later, door to door. I told D that I would do so, but she shouldn't get any illusions on me getting baptized. I was only doing those things so we could be together and they better lay off after we're married. Of course everyone else assumed i was genuine in my actions.
Fast forward three more years and here I am now, married to the woman of my dreams and still living a lie. We moved to the other side of the world, close to her parents, because jobs in Europe are now so scarce. Somewhere in that time i lost all my strengths to fight and eventually got baptized, i even started to believe in God and in the Watch tower (briefly). I must add that i didn't have any intentions of ever getting baptized, but eventually, after being married for one year one elder just said to me, out of the blue, that either i would get wet or my brother-in-law would be prohibited to further associate with me. That was particularly painful because we had since become good friends. never the less I was to be labeled bad association.
My in-laws are basically good people but they are as arrogant and as self-righteous as JWs come. because they think they have the truth, they feel they have the right to hold everyone else (and their beliefs) in contempt. Life with them is absolute hell. Especially because they assume I am now one of them.To be perfectly honest they should know better since i'm involved in all kinds of competitive sports, i have bungied (twice) and openly bragged about it, i never go to FS, I rarely make it to the meetings because i have to work, etc. Either way, I should have had more strength to make my stance, but we always assume we can fight everything and everyone by ourselves when, most of the time we don't have the tools to do so.
After 8 years of studying with the JWs, and one year as a baptized witness, I have finally decided to disassociate myself. But before i can do so, i am trying to bring my wife with me. I don't want to do that by pressuring her or by arguing with her. I want that decision to be hers and hers only, by diligent study and reasoning. Fortunately we have a marriage with plenty open and honest communication and we confide in each other. I have realized that she also lives a bit conflicted with her beliefs. I think that she is still inside the Org because of her parents and her sister (who, btw is a pioneer and her husband an elder. they are the most indoctrinated jws i have ever met). Her brother, though baptized, has a worldly (god i hate that loaded expression) girlfriend and they have sex all the time. I have even caught them once. Never said a word to anyone though. Just advised him to always use protection
I have told her of my worries about the organization but when it seems I'm reaching her heart, she just defaults to the typical jw answers: "where else would i go?", "but they (the GB) are only imperfect men" BLAH BAH BLAH FREAKING BLAH. Lets see if I ever succeed in opening her eyes.
And that's my story.
Hi everyone.
I'm new to this and as many, I have been a longtime lurker.
I haven't read (so far) a story quite like mine but I'm sure it's not an uncommon one. So here it goes, from the beginning:
I was born in 1985 in what must be considered one of the most loving families ever. My parents are both Catholics and, while growing up, I went through every doctrinal ritual of the religion. I lived a happy and fulfilling childhood.
When I finally developed the mental maturity, skills and strengths to think for myself I concluded (after a quite lengthy and comprehensive study, I might add) that the notion of a God didn't make any sense. I think that the questioning of one's beliefs shows nothing more than Humility. It demonstrates, effectively the need of reassurance, especially from self-made (or man-made) ideological constructions. To recognize the fallibility and imperfection of these, requires nothing less than the assertion of one's proneness to error and is therefore an attribute of anyone who can be considered humble (at least intellectually). So there was I, 16 years old and an Agnostic.
After excelling in high school I enrolled in the best University of my country (and one of the best in Europe i might add/brag) where I would meet the love of my life. I had all the freedom I would ever need and was very popular. Having established previously that there was no God, my worries were those of any 17 year old: my grades, parties and girls. (I was as worldly as they come)
So one day out of nothing I meet her (let's call her D for the sake of anonymity) and we immediately felt an uncommon attraction towards eachother. Being a self-confident bloke I talk to her and invite her to the movies without breaking too many sweats. In our first date, I decided to take D to see Cold Mountain. I remember the name of the movie although i never saw one single second of it. Once the room became dark I immediately engaged in my Casanova mode and, before the first ten minutes had gone by, we were kissing. Properly. (and i don't mean that as jw proper)
This was on Valentines day (which was unintended) and I was in love. I really was. I felt like a child and all my smugness and self-confidence were replaced by an overwhelming feeling that it's still hard to describe today. Then, i drive her home and stop in front of her house. Strangely, she asks me if i can park a few meters in front. And so I do.
It was around 11o'clock in the night and we started to talk about what had just happened. We stayed inside my car until it was morning (7am). We really clicked and talked about everything. We were open and honest with each other, which I felt was quite refreshing. Among many other subjects we suddenly end up talking about our future together. D says something like: "i really like you. I want to be your girlfriend and maybe one day even marry you". WOOOW. Stop everything. An alarm bell just rang in my head. so here we are after a great first date, already talking about marriage. Up until then i never even had that subject come up. It usually was all about dating, kissing, sex, and so on. But, because i was so infatuated i just decided to never give that conversation a second thought. After that, the subject turns to religion and she starts to inquire about my beliefs. I quickly explain my fierce agnostic stance stating some of the facts that made me realize that the existence of a superior being was hugely unlikely. Politely (and not particularly interested), I inquire back as to her beliefs. "I am one of Jehovahs Witnesses". I remember clearly that this didn't even register properly because i had never ever heard anything about Jehovah's Witnesses. For me she could have said she was buddhist, catholic, muslim, rastafarian, pastafarian, etc. It wouldn't have made any difference as I was quite open minded about every creed. I always felt that anyone had the right and the freedom to believe in whatever they want/choose to believe in. after all, we all live in a free society.
Ten days after that, we had sex, one month after that, all HELL breaks loose. Unbeknownst to me at that time she felt guilty about it and chose to confide in the elders of her congregation. Though i still didn't know by then the seriousness of the situation, it became quite evident to me when her mother who lived on the other side of the globe (literally) decides to drop by to have a "little" chat with me.
Although she was quite polite and mild mannered she told me that I was a worldly person, and because of that we couldn't date anymore. Some of you can probably imagine the confusion in my heart and mind. She proceeded to explain that, unlike every other person on this earth, they had the "truth" and I was blinded by Satan. Courageously i decide to fight for D and our love and start to drop on her mother all the scientific knowledge i could think of that could contradict her. I talked about evolution and was scorned without any real arguments, about dinossaurs, about carbon dating, about the big bang, only to have my solidly based facts refuted by the same argument every single time: "but in the bible, blah blah". That day, i just didn't have enough knowledge to argue about the good book with someone who could immediately quote some verses and had evidently read it quite sometimes. I gave up upon realizing that in fact i was way in over my head, and i didn't know that much about the bible or, for that matter, about what D believed in. So, being intellectually honest (still) I agreed to study with some elders. My only condition was that D was present at all times. Mind you that when i decided to study i did so only because i wanted to have enough knowledge to successfully argue about religion and the bible itself with her mother. And i was darn honest about it. None the less her mother ventured to say: "if you have an honest heart, you will see the truth for yourself" - yeah right!
Well at least we would still be able to date. But as everyone must know, nothing was ever the same.
Ok, now we can fast forward to 4 years later when we were still pretty much in love (our relationship was almost perfect, despite all the typical problems in a jw love relation) and i was even more agnostic. I wasn't seduced by any of their arguments and so-called facts. In fact, by then i had successfully raised so many questions that one of the MS which attended my study had disassociated himself (I have since learned that, although he had many doubts prior, my arguments moved him to stand for himself and just leave). To everyone's dismay i wasn't "progressing" (and i sincerely didn't know i was supposed to. I was operating under the assumption that i was studying so i could learn and understand the woman i loved, not because i needed to convert). When everyone finally understood that i wasn't budging one inch, the strategy changed altogether. The elder which was giving me my bible study decided I wasn't worth the effort and started to cancel the study sessions himself. Also they sneaked behind my back and told D that she had to leave me or be DFd. She didn't have enough strength and agreed. I don't blame her because i have since learned the kind of despicable pressure and power they have over people. Soon she was dating someone inside the organization. Everyone was truly happy, except for me and D. This lasted 2 or 3 months but I never gave up on her, on us. So i decided that I would try to progress even if I didn't even believe in a God for the sake of our love. I thought we were worth it. after that, we quickly rekindled our relationship.
When we were already dating for 6years, we decided to get married. But not before the elders started to pressure me into going to meetings, and later, door to door. I told D that I would do so, but she shouldn't get any illusions on me getting baptized. I was only doing those things so we could be together and they better lay off after we're married. Of course everyone else assumed i was genuine in my actions.
Fast forward three more years and here I am now, married to the woman of my dreams and still living a lie. We moved to the other side of the world, close to her parents, because jobs in Europe are now so scarce. Somewhere in that time i lost all my strengths to fight and eventually got baptized, i even started to believe in God and in the Watch tower (briefly). I must add that i didn't have any intentions of ever getting baptized, but eventually, after being married for one year one elder just said to me, out of the blue, that either i would get wet or my brother-in-law would be prohibited to further associate with me. That was particularly painful because we had since become good friends. never the less I was to be labeled bad association.
My in-laws are basically good people but they are as arrogant and as self-righteous as JWs come. because they think they have the truth, they feel they have the right to hold everyone else (and their beliefs) in contempt. Life with them is absolute hell. Especially because they assume I am now one of them.To be perfectly honest they should know better since i'm involved in all kinds of competitive sports, i have bungied (twice) and openly bragged about it, i never go to FS, I rarely make it to the meetings because i have to work, etc. Either way, I should have had more strength to make my stance, but we always assume we can fight everything and everyone by ourselves when, most of the time we don't have the tools to do so.
After 8 years of studying with the JWs, and one year as a baptized witness, I have finally decided to disassociate myself. But before i can do so, i am trying to bring my wife with me. I don't want to do that by pressuring her or by arguing with her. I want that decision to be hers and hers only, by diligent study and reasoning. Fortunately we have a marriage with plenty open and honest communication and we confide in each other. I have realized that she also lives a bit conflicted with her beliefs. I think that she is still inside the Org because of her parents and her sister (who, btw is a pioneer and her husband an elder. they are the most indoctrinated jws i have ever met). Her brother, though baptized, has a worldly (god i hate that loaded expression) girlfriend and they have sex all the time. I have even caught them once. Never said a word to anyone though. Just advised him to always use protection
And that's my story.
