I've been reading these forums for the past 2 weeks, and procrastinator that I am, I still felt it was time to post 
I was raised a JW in the deep south by a single mother. She started pioneering when my sister was born and I was around 6. Skip to age 21 when I finally ran out of available females in the congs, and that was my first reproof. Then skip to late 20s when the real fun begins hehe.
So I hadn't been going to the meetings for a few years, just off and on, trying to be a good little witness, and making all the memorials, of course. I had by this time run out of friends because no one in the cong remembered I existed, and I wasn't trying or even capable of building a new friend network outside the org. I remember my breaking point, when I realized that I couldn't live like that any longer. I was trying to learn chinese with my perfect older brother to get his approval(whole different story), and no one told me the classes were canceled for the week. Next thing I knew I was in my car in the middle of the ghetto just bawling. I realized my only association were the few witnesses willing to learn chinese in southeastern north carolina.
Lemme pause here and explain that I was the cute little boy that gave all the older brothers and sisters hugs, never held a grudge, and never made anyone outside my family angry. I haven't been in a serious fight since 3rd grade. So I am not the aggressive person that was always looking for a way out. I only wanted to make everyone happy... mostly >
So I got a few worldy friends, hid it from my fam, played WoW, and FINALLY started smoking weed. hooboy. My baby sister didn't know about any of this, only that I wasn't going to meetings, But that didn't stop her from banning me from her wedding. That hurt worse than anything ever. Then my brother found out I voted, and reported me to his local elders(that's when I found out about the secret elders book. He was newly appointed.) When I saw 2 elders at my door after 3 years of living in their territory, I was slightly happy that they cared, buuuut no. They wanted to know if I voted and if I wanted to be JW anymore. I disassociated myself which is my one point of pride. I effing left! My mom tried to shun me, but I bullied her into talking to me, and then I moved away and got tattoos and piercings.
I remember the exact instant I stopped believing. I was sitting in my living room, and my mortality hit me like a bat across the nose. I am going to die. I was furious.
This feels stuttered and unclear because im shaking while typing lol, but I wanted to share with everyone. I'm finally not embarrassed that I was a JW, and that my life has been hard as a direct result. I don't feel like I'm wrong. But i still feel the green slime guilt dripping off my shoulders in alot of situations that are perfectly normal. Thanks everyone, your sharing has helped me immensely lately, and I hope I can give a little back.
Jeremy
I was raised a JW in the deep south by a single mother. She started pioneering when my sister was born and I was around 6. Skip to age 21 when I finally ran out of available females in the congs, and that was my first reproof. Then skip to late 20s when the real fun begins hehe.
So I hadn't been going to the meetings for a few years, just off and on, trying to be a good little witness, and making all the memorials, of course. I had by this time run out of friends because no one in the cong remembered I existed, and I wasn't trying or even capable of building a new friend network outside the org. I remember my breaking point, when I realized that I couldn't live like that any longer. I was trying to learn chinese with my perfect older brother to get his approval(whole different story), and no one told me the classes were canceled for the week. Next thing I knew I was in my car in the middle of the ghetto just bawling. I realized my only association were the few witnesses willing to learn chinese in southeastern north carolina.
Lemme pause here and explain that I was the cute little boy that gave all the older brothers and sisters hugs, never held a grudge, and never made anyone outside my family angry. I haven't been in a serious fight since 3rd grade. So I am not the aggressive person that was always looking for a way out. I only wanted to make everyone happy... mostly >
So I got a few worldy friends, hid it from my fam, played WoW, and FINALLY started smoking weed. hooboy. My baby sister didn't know about any of this, only that I wasn't going to meetings, But that didn't stop her from banning me from her wedding. That hurt worse than anything ever. Then my brother found out I voted, and reported me to his local elders(that's when I found out about the secret elders book. He was newly appointed.) When I saw 2 elders at my door after 3 years of living in their territory, I was slightly happy that they cared, buuuut no. They wanted to know if I voted and if I wanted to be JW anymore. I disassociated myself which is my one point of pride. I effing left! My mom tried to shun me, but I bullied her into talking to me, and then I moved away and got tattoos and piercings.
I remember the exact instant I stopped believing. I was sitting in my living room, and my mortality hit me like a bat across the nose. I am going to die. I was furious.
This feels stuttered and unclear because im shaking while typing lol, but I wanted to share with everyone. I'm finally not embarrassed that I was a JW, and that my life has been hard as a direct result. I don't feel like I'm wrong. But i still feel the green slime guilt dripping off my shoulders in alot of situations that are perfectly normal. Thanks everyone, your sharing has helped me immensely lately, and I hope I can give a little back.
Jeremy
