God first maybe
I am sorry for my life the pain I given other because I never pronounce words right I did my best but my best was not good enough. I understand my class mates had to destroy my right so they could be a winer over my wasteful life I live because I did not want to hurt my family. I cry every day it not fare but that the way it was I never told about my teacher using candy to hurt me even more and other children hurting me because of it and because I could not speak plain.
I am 54 years old nothing to look forward to nothing I have no life and no children to give me joy that I had not wasted my life but in vain I cry out over and over but no one cares about me. I was taught that I should put God first and God would do the rest but I try but God never did the rest. I believe in God I even believe I could hear his voice I was talking to myself I guess the Love of God is just that even that I still believe but what good is it.
Last May I learn that doctors in my local hospital did not care my life means nothing to them because I told that I have been talking my Meds right other wise because took none for month or two. Wanting them to give me something so I would live without shocking my body to much. But they never care one bit not like I had witness past doctors do in the past I was not any value so I never told them about having chest so I lay still until my blood pressure went down.
I already find the truth about my person doctor my blood pressure was really high because I left home with out tacking my meds that morning just a over sight on my part. He could of gave me at least one Aspirin 325 MG but the office did not care about me I had to wait until I got home. The doctors office know I got here about 9 am it would be after 1 pm before I could get ride home using Tack transportation but they did not care.
That is just the world in which no one care about any one anymore but themselves that is why I have gave up because my mother and father are gone there is no reason to live anymore. I am sorry for my friends and my sisters and other family but they will be ok because they have others to help but I am alone without even God to help me get up. Life is not what I wanted while peace and hope is all I ask for there is true peace out there and hope must be a lie.
I have hemorrhoids which makes me have leakage of feces which can be very embarrassment now most of time I can control it changing my pants. While it does happen every day it embarrass me when it happens I had it for years before I had any form of sex that why do I say because I know what people think. This makes me not want to live any more but I can not hurt myself so I will no longer come here I understand cause and effect theory.
The causes out weigh the reasons to live and the effect has cause to lose my life otherwise I have nothing I am just doing time in this prison of my mind. I sleep all day and all night wanting for the time to pass by until my end I have gave up on life. I just have a few hours of TV to pass the time I must do I will not hurt myself but I will not help myself either I try but it plain the world does not care. So good bye to the few friends I have I did my best.