I was baptized at 16. I did it because my other friends were getting baptized, and my parents were pushing me;(even though they would think otherwise).
For years I have had my doubts about the religion, and for the past year I have been doing research on the religion. So far I have learned the disastrous doings of the GB. It makes me so sad how they manipulate people.
I feel guilty every time I go to the meetings. Lately I've been trying to avoid conversations with people at the hall. I feel like a hypocrite. When I come in the Kh I always have a big smile on my face, but I'm not happy. I feel so sad all the time. I feel like a bird in a cage just waiting to get out!
I have also developed severe social anxiety over the years. I think it's because all my live I've always had to make sure I acted the right way, looked the right way, and dressed the right way(remember no tight pants guys!) With being the elders daughter the pressure is always on to be perfect. I think one instance that set it off was when a jealous "sister" lied to the elders and said she saw me kissing a non witness guy at my school(Ohhhhh gasp!!!!)! She spread it around the whole congregation, and most people believed her. There has been other slander that has been hurled against my family, and the elders did nothing about it. They just watched the show unfold.
I've been trying to plan my "great" escape, but I get scared, confused, and lost. I don't have any friends outside of the religion. Most of my family live in other states. I live in the middle of nowhere( my parents thought thought it would be a good idea to move where "the need was greater").
My mom has a medical condition and my dad is stressed out all the time, and I hate just thinking about adding to that stress. I really care for my parents and I know they want me to go to bethel(currently go to Warwick), and be a missionary in Africa, but that kind of life is not for me! I don't want to be the governing bodies "robot" for the rest of my life.
My goal is to start a blog to offer help to teens and adults ,like me, that feel stuck and want to escape from this poisonous religion. I have found a lot of inspiration from Apostate Chick and jw survey website. I have also found a lot of help from exjw forums like these.
So this is my story. I hope others can relate to it and offer some advice!