feel about the "truth". And so is my son. I think he is heading same direction. It is not as dramatic as I thought. It may help her in all reality. I was the "spiritual Hitler ". I was the one with all the big expectations for the family. My wife is very different than me in that respect. She might appreciate the relief. However, I must say I feel so sorry for her. She is auxiliary pioneering and being the best witness she can be. But it brings tears to my eyes when I think of the energy she puts in it. I want to get her out of it, but 4 months ago when I tried sharing some information, she said "you're not going to take away the only thing I have". She had tears in her eyes. I stopped talking. I realized then that some just aren't ready nor have coping skills. I have tears in my eyes just writing this. I told her I will support her the best I can.
The other thought I have going on is hard to express. Maybe you understand. When I think of the person I was, the Rock elder who gave talks without notes due to just expressing what was in my heart, the one who studied day and night, pioneered, the one who was overjoyed with being at the convention, it almost feels that I'm be disloyal to my myself. Does that make sense? The person who discovered TTATT, just feels unnatural. Almost like it is not me. Like I'm trying to live someone else's life. Do you get what I'm saying? I'm not here on this forum to draw attention to myself. It just helps if I put my thoughts down in writing.