I am new to this site and was cautiously directed to it by a friend who has been out of "the truth" for many years and trying to help me with my recovery. She said this site helped her immeasurably. Like many of you, I grew up as a Witness and have very devout parents and siblings. I myself pioneered for almost 10 years, and before my divorce my two kids were on assembly parts, etc. We had been a very active family. I had stayed with a husband who cheated on me right after the birth of our son, because I thought it was "Jehovah's way." He was privately reproved and we spent years rebuilding. Then 14 years later I find teen porn, and internet hook-up sites on his phone. When confronted he feigned a suicide attempt the night of his judicial meeting. I filed for divorce and immediately started receiving abusive treatment from many in my congregation. I was told by the elders and his family that I was not scripturally free to divorce. About a year later our daughter found pornographic pictures of her father on his phone. She has not spoken to him in almost 2 years. I am still regarded as the bad one in the situation. I stopped going to meetings when I would come home with a fever of 102 and not be able to get out of bed. My ex was never disfellowshipped, and still takes the stand that I am not scripturally free to be married to the "worldly" man I recently married. My parents and siblings have cut me off completely and my kids as well, although the kids have done nothing wrong. My former in-laws blamed my daughter for violating her father's privacy and tried to convince her that those pictures were old and didn't mean anything and that Jehovah expected her to forgive him. Needless to say we are struggling with tremendous depression and sadness and I feel like I am losing my mind. I have resorted to drinking too much for relief from the mental anguish I feel. I do not want to do further harm to myself, my new husband and my wonderful kids. Help... I feel totally lost. I miss believing in something, but feel like this situation is so perverse and twisted I can no longer believe the rules we are supposed to live by.